02-11-2011, 02:50 PM
(02-11-2011, 05:43 AM)Ryan Wrote: You mentioned above about people not sitting near you. I had similar reactions last year when I was doing affirmations. Now, it's not like that so much anymore. I think it's just a mixture of different emotions your subconscious is dealing with, people do not know how to respond to you, subconsciously.
How has stage 2 been affecting you? I remember the first couple of days I liked it, then it hit me very hard. Suddenly, I'm extremely stressed out here and there and had horrible depression/hopelessness feelings come back. I also became a bit more quiet unlike the end of stage 1, unmotivated/lazy, and a bit increase of social anxiety but nothing too horrible.
Stage 2 started off really harsh for me. I was very lethargic and aggravated at myself. Everywhere I went I couldn't shake the feeling of not belonging. It's like I would laugh and joke but at the same time it felt very hollow and fake. The negative internal dialogue was very hard for me to control at times. I also felt the need to distance myself from people, I didn't want to talk to anyone that much. It was all these internal frustrations that just made me very bitter.
Also it was almost impossible to focus on any of my college work. I had to read a couple of chapters for my accounting class, man I had to restrain myself from hurling the book across the room. In general I have trouble reading because my mind tends to wander off and then I forget what I read. It just pissed me off for no reason.
But the good news is I feel like I'm leveling out. The negative internal dialogue isn't as persistent and I'm a lot more motivated to do some things that I have to do.
I know what you mean by depression/hopelessness feelings. They are the worst because you can't just pull yourself out of it. When that happens to me I usually play video games or watch a movie. I do what I have to do, but for the most part I don't push myself because that just adds to the feeling of hopelessness. I try not to be too critical about myself when I'm in that state because it really is out of my control and beating myself up over what I should be doing doesn't help.
I don't know what the weather is like where you are but the lack of sun definitely contributes to my overall lethargic behavior at times. Winter is always a tough time for me because I feel like my serotonin levels plummet.
