05-05-2015, 08:29 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-05-2015, 08:39 PM by TangoDelta.)
Negativity ahead:
10 days into Stage 5. External things have been going between ok and are border-lining on bad if I don't get my act together. Internal things are very bad. Exams are coming up and I haven't done the homework assignments or studied. I have 4 days until my first exam.
I can't stop playing video games. I delete them from my computer when I feel guilty from playing them, try to do some productive stuff, then re-download the game and keep on playing a few hours later. I cannot bring myself to do anything else. I have a strong urge to do a different subliminal, Overcome Procrastination or Improve Grades and Study Habits for example. I hate hate hate how this feels.
I hate myself for being such a lazy piece of crap, I hate myself for not doing homework and studying, I hate myself for not working out, and I hate myself for playing video games. But no matter how much I hate myself, I don't change anything. I don't know what is going on here, but it's bad. Why do I all of a sudden have such a strong urge to quit this program? I've honestly thought about quitting. I probably only want to quit because I think (hope) a different sub will fix all my problems, but I doubt that'll actually happen. Is this resistance? Why can't I bring myself to do anything productive, no matter how hard I try. I cannot express how much I hate myself and what I have done, or rather, what I have not done. Maybe I have an addiction to video games, or I use them to hide and distract me from my responsibilities. It totally sucks that this has to happen in the final two weeks of school. I can't let this ruin my semester. I don't know if I'll have the motivation, or rather, self-discipline, to do what needs to be done. WTF is going on with me!?
Edit: my best analogy is that I feel like I have the inertia of a locomotive (procrastination), but I don't have the strength (self-discipline/motivation/will-power) to get it (myself) moving.
Sorry to post such a negative...post. I know nobody likes them.
10 days into Stage 5. External things have been going between ok and are border-lining on bad if I don't get my act together. Internal things are very bad. Exams are coming up and I haven't done the homework assignments or studied. I have 4 days until my first exam.
I can't stop playing video games. I delete them from my computer when I feel guilty from playing them, try to do some productive stuff, then re-download the game and keep on playing a few hours later. I cannot bring myself to do anything else. I have a strong urge to do a different subliminal, Overcome Procrastination or Improve Grades and Study Habits for example. I hate hate hate how this feels.
I hate myself for being such a lazy piece of crap, I hate myself for not doing homework and studying, I hate myself for not working out, and I hate myself for playing video games. But no matter how much I hate myself, I don't change anything. I don't know what is going on here, but it's bad. Why do I all of a sudden have such a strong urge to quit this program? I've honestly thought about quitting. I probably only want to quit because I think (hope) a different sub will fix all my problems, but I doubt that'll actually happen. Is this resistance? Why can't I bring myself to do anything productive, no matter how hard I try. I cannot express how much I hate myself and what I have done, or rather, what I have not done. Maybe I have an addiction to video games, or I use them to hide and distract me from my responsibilities. It totally sucks that this has to happen in the final two weeks of school. I can't let this ruin my semester. I don't know if I'll have the motivation, or rather, self-discipline, to do what needs to be done. WTF is going on with me!?
Edit: my best analogy is that I feel like I have the inertia of a locomotive (procrastination), but I don't have the strength (self-discipline/motivation/will-power) to get it (myself) moving.
Sorry to post such a negative...post. I know nobody likes them.
