The Journey of the Alpha

[Alpha Male mo]

I didn't write a journal for a while because during this stage I've been feeling like not doing anything really. I'm not ptocastinating but ever since going back to college I've been bombarded with lots to do . Also unlike stage 4 where I was eager to go to stage 5 because I thought I'd be getting laid but I'm not, yet I feel like I've missed many opportunities from women giving me subtle signals. I have noticed a trend with lots of women in my college. its like they see me look at their phone and smile then look back at me, the problem is I get nervous whenever a woman is checking me out. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and insecurities regarding women and people. I also work a night shift where I don't have a lot of contact with people so maybe that's why. Also itsmuch harder to make ffriends now than it was in stage 3 and 4. I feel like this stage is bringing some inner stuff more and its hitting me hard. I can't wait for this to pass so I can try Am6 without any issues. rRegardless, I can get very calm, like zen like, when in extremely stressful situations. I used to get so nervous, but I'm way relaxed now. I also don't seem to care much for if women check me out but I kinds don't care what a woman thinks about me for the most part. I no longer have a victim mentality. my confidence is very high in areas concerning myself but not women yet. Socially I'm not adept part because my insecurities keep boiling over my head.

I've had some really good days where everything was flowing and I could be attractive , when everything was on point then I get days followed by great misery where I can't talk to anyone I become closed off.

My subconscious is telling me this is not working but when I look at the list of Am6 goals I feel like I've accomplished a lot. The journey to mastery is a long one and I know that it will take some time . I'll keep you guys posted but life is still pretty good despiteall the shit iI'm going thru