03-18-2015, 07:11 AM
I have five days left of Stage 3.
I didn't realize what was going on until well into this stage, but it's definitely been making be irritable and, amongst other reasons, sad at times. As I write this, I'm neither sad nor mad, just tired lol.
I remember from my first run, getting annoyed with my co-workers for not doing much work, and I'm right back there now. I'm also in the mood to argue and be confrontational more often than not, which is part of the cycle of feeling angry a lot of the time. Again, I didn't even realize this until 3-4 weeks into this stage.
I've also been sad at times lately because I keep thinking about the past and how much fun I had when all my friends were in college, and how I'll probably never have that much fun ever again. I'm the only one left in college and still have 2 years left, which makes me a bit sad and mad because I failed 5 semesters and didn't make progress for years. Everyone has gone their separate ways and we don't see each other as often as we used to. But I've been thinking about previous events in my life too and realize, despite how badly I fucked up in school and wasted my early 20's, how wonderful my life has been. I can honestly remember jumping up and down in my crib when my mom was trying to teach me to pronounce my name. I've been reflecting on elementary, middle, and high school times as well. It sucks being able to remember all these events with such vivid detail because if feels like they happened yesterday, but really, it was 10 frickin' years ago. But it makes me realize how much fun I've had and how thankful I am to have the friends and family I do have. Lmao it sounds like I'm 80 years old.
I've been sticking with my workout routine too, (surprisingly) and am beginning to see it in the mirror which is nice. School is going pretty decent too, for once, so that's good.
Summarizing this stage, I'd say anger and sadness have been the most pronounced emotions. I guess some of that is the "let go of the past" portion of the script? But I'm in no way miserable every day of my life or anything, I just lost the optimism about the future that accompanied Stage 2. If I recall correctly, things started getting much better in Stage 4 during my first run through. We'll see.
Unrelated: One day I developed a headache around 9am and felt like shit the whole day. I didn't know if I was getting sick or dehydrated or getting a migraine or what it could have been. When I went to bed that night, I put on the sub and it hit me like bricks. I had the ultrasonic playing much louder than usual (because I had the knob turned up on my speakers from listening to music). I usually leave the knob in the same position and control the volume on my laptop. Turned it down to the normal volume level, and woke up feeling fine the next day. It may have been a total coincidence, but since I never get headaches if I'm not sick, I have to guess it was from the ultrasonic sub. I CAN hear the sub when it plays...if that makes a difference.
I didn't realize what was going on until well into this stage, but it's definitely been making be irritable and, amongst other reasons, sad at times. As I write this, I'm neither sad nor mad, just tired lol.
I remember from my first run, getting annoyed with my co-workers for not doing much work, and I'm right back there now. I'm also in the mood to argue and be confrontational more often than not, which is part of the cycle of feeling angry a lot of the time. Again, I didn't even realize this until 3-4 weeks into this stage.
I've also been sad at times lately because I keep thinking about the past and how much fun I had when all my friends were in college, and how I'll probably never have that much fun ever again. I'm the only one left in college and still have 2 years left, which makes me a bit sad and mad because I failed 5 semesters and didn't make progress for years. Everyone has gone their separate ways and we don't see each other as often as we used to. But I've been thinking about previous events in my life too and realize, despite how badly I fucked up in school and wasted my early 20's, how wonderful my life has been. I can honestly remember jumping up and down in my crib when my mom was trying to teach me to pronounce my name. I've been reflecting on elementary, middle, and high school times as well. It sucks being able to remember all these events with such vivid detail because if feels like they happened yesterday, but really, it was 10 frickin' years ago. But it makes me realize how much fun I've had and how thankful I am to have the friends and family I do have. Lmao it sounds like I'm 80 years old.
I've been sticking with my workout routine too, (surprisingly) and am beginning to see it in the mirror which is nice. School is going pretty decent too, for once, so that's good.
Summarizing this stage, I'd say anger and sadness have been the most pronounced emotions. I guess some of that is the "let go of the past" portion of the script? But I'm in no way miserable every day of my life or anything, I just lost the optimism about the future that accompanied Stage 2. If I recall correctly, things started getting much better in Stage 4 during my first run through. We'll see.
Unrelated: One day I developed a headache around 9am and felt like shit the whole day. I didn't know if I was getting sick or dehydrated or getting a migraine or what it could have been. When I went to bed that night, I put on the sub and it hit me like bricks. I had the ultrasonic playing much louder than usual (because I had the knob turned up on my speakers from listening to music). I usually leave the knob in the same position and control the volume on my laptop. Turned it down to the normal volume level, and woke up feeling fine the next day. It may have been a total coincidence, but since I never get headaches if I'm not sick, I have to guess it was from the ultrasonic sub. I CAN hear the sub when it plays...if that makes a difference.
