02-28-2015, 04:36 AM
Stage 3 Day 13
I've been thinking about my recent experiences and I came up with those two points:
1) I feel angry a lot recently. Well, anger is not the best word for it as it's not very aggressive. Disappointed maybe? Anyhow I feel angry at myself that I seem to have little progress, I am angry at the subs that they don't do their magic well enough, I am angry at my school, my friends, whole humanity, everything. I stopped visualizing cause I know it wouldn't work well now. I didn't felt it while using subs before. There see so much BS around me I need to deal with and so few things to reinforce myself against it.
2) My confidence is low. It's not that I don't have it, I know my worth, but it seems others don't know it and I don't know how to project it. What I think is valuable in myself (intelligence, honesty, perspicacity) are not things valued by society of today. And because I simply refuse to pretend to be dumb to be "fun" people don't accept me and so my confidence drops.
I don't know if that was this stage that brought those or is it something more. I don't think it matters much anyway, The Show Must Go On.
I've been thinking about my recent experiences and I came up with those two points:
1) I feel angry a lot recently. Well, anger is not the best word for it as it's not very aggressive. Disappointed maybe? Anyhow I feel angry at myself that I seem to have little progress, I am angry at the subs that they don't do their magic well enough, I am angry at my school, my friends, whole humanity, everything. I stopped visualizing cause I know it wouldn't work well now. I didn't felt it while using subs before. There see so much BS around me I need to deal with and so few things to reinforce myself against it.
2) My confidence is low. It's not that I don't have it, I know my worth, but it seems others don't know it and I don't know how to project it. What I think is valuable in myself (intelligence, honesty, perspicacity) are not things valued by society of today. And because I simply refuse to pretend to be dumb to be "fun" people don't accept me and so my confidence drops.
I don't know if that was this stage that brought those or is it something more. I don't think it matters much anyway, The Show Must Go On.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
