I literally have no idea what to journal here anymore. But... I decided to give it a try anyway. 
"Scale what works, ditch what doesn't."
I've been feeling the need to approach things more rationally for some time now. I'm guessing the TLAM script has something to do with this, because I keep finding myself drawn toward making money. I always thought, that I would learn to make money and then apply the skills in other areas, where I really think I can contribute to people's lives.
Turns out though, I'm a bit of a approval junkie. I like that people trust me with their money. I seem to like it a lot more than I actually care about what exactly I'm giving them, as long as they are happy. That seems to fly right in the face of any higher ideals, that I try to hold myself to. After all, if I'm just giving them what they want, I'm not changing their lives, am I? If anything, I'm reinforcing their current views of the world.
Still, I've decided to give up on these higher ideals. I'm willing to accept that they weren't right for me. Logically, it seems as if I'm just selling out, but I need some time off from beating myself up about it. I'm just going to do my thing, until a true higher purpose shows up. And if it doesn't, then I guess I'll just end up rich and unenlightened. Still a better fate than trying to make up false "higher purposes".
P.S. I find it strangely therapeutic to write all this stuff out. Really happy to have started this journal.
"Scale what works, ditch what doesn't."
I've been feeling the need to approach things more rationally for some time now. I'm guessing the TLAM script has something to do with this, because I keep finding myself drawn toward making money. I always thought, that I would learn to make money and then apply the skills in other areas, where I really think I can contribute to people's lives.
Turns out though, I'm a bit of a approval junkie.
I like that people trust me with their money. I seem to like it a lot more than I actually care about what exactly I'm giving them, as long as they are happy. That seems to fly right in the face of any higher ideals, that I try to hold myself to. After all, if I'm just giving them what they want, I'm not changing their lives, am I? If anything, I'm reinforcing their current views of the world.Still, I've decided to give up on these higher ideals. I'm willing to accept that they weren't right for me. Logically, it seems as if I'm just selling out, but I need some time off from beating myself up about it. I'm just going to do my thing, until a true higher purpose shows up. And if it doesn't, then I guess I'll just end up rich and unenlightened. Still a better fate than trying to make up false "higher purposes".
P.S. I find it strangely therapeutic to write all this stuff out. Really happy to have started this journal.
