02-06-2015, 06:02 AM
Here at the end of stage 5 I have to say I haven't felt this way before.
Thinks are not magically going well now. nor do i expect them to. In fact they're oscilating between tragic, ok, painful and shameful. I don't think it matters all that much though. Everything appears to me to be like the weather, so i don't place too much stock in any particular event, whether it's positive or negative.
I'm kind of seeing a woman who seems to be really into me. A few of my friends are complementing me and 'bigging me up', a few people have gone out of their ways to be kind to me , in ways which are clearly out ofthe ordinary. I had someone call me up the other day and offer me a huge amount of money to invest in something i'm doing for instance.
On the other side I'm getting attacked and dismissed by people. I don't even think its something out of the ordinary, its something that has always been there but i'm unaffected by it enough now and (potentially) more resillient so i can face it better.
Even in myself, i don't place huge faith in my own consistency. i'm weary of the fact that i to fluctuate depending on how things are, and i have to surf my moods. Working with life seems a bit like working with the sea - it's a gargantuan beast which does it's own thing, and is mostly indifferent to you, but you can use it's temper and it's rythum to propel you forward - knowing that nothing is certain and all you can do is your best, it still has the capacity to destroy you regardless of your skill in sailing. (ironic that i understand things with all theses sea fairing analogies when i can't even swim
)
Thinks are not magically going well now. nor do i expect them to. In fact they're oscilating between tragic, ok, painful and shameful. I don't think it matters all that much though. Everything appears to me to be like the weather, so i don't place too much stock in any particular event, whether it's positive or negative.
I'm kind of seeing a woman who seems to be really into me. A few of my friends are complementing me and 'bigging me up', a few people have gone out of their ways to be kind to me , in ways which are clearly out ofthe ordinary. I had someone call me up the other day and offer me a huge amount of money to invest in something i'm doing for instance.
On the other side I'm getting attacked and dismissed by people. I don't even think its something out of the ordinary, its something that has always been there but i'm unaffected by it enough now and (potentially) more resillient so i can face it better.
Even in myself, i don't place huge faith in my own consistency. i'm weary of the fact that i to fluctuate depending on how things are, and i have to surf my moods. Working with life seems a bit like working with the sea - it's a gargantuan beast which does it's own thing, and is mostly indifferent to you, but you can use it's temper and it's rythum to propel you forward - knowing that nothing is certain and all you can do is your best, it still has the capacity to destroy you regardless of your skill in sailing. (ironic that i understand things with all theses sea fairing analogies when i can't even swim
)
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
