12-18-2014, 10:37 AM
Last day of stage 2 for me. Strangely enough, I appear to be much more emotionally stable internally, although it might look different from the outside. 
Shannon's feedback in Quote's thread put a lot of details from my experience into perspective. I'm resisting forgiveness, that's for sure. Forgiveness in this case means allowing other people to do things, that seem unproductive. It seems that it has to be self-forgiveness as well, since I was the one to choose to associate with such behaviors and waste, literally, years doing them. Forgive and take responsibility for yourself - that seems to be the way out of this.
Another insight I got was regarding my procrastination issues from this month. The thing is, I was only playing games, that got me to manage stuff. Dead state is somewhat of a managerial game. While playing it in and of it self isn't productive to business, I believe it gave me the training wheels I needed to start my way to becoming a manager. I find it completely non-interesting now (although I'm probably halfway through), because I'm ready for a larger context, in which to practice my managerial skills. I might (and probably will) screw up a lot, but I'm ready for it and I'm guessing that's what BASE was leading me towards. In a way, I was right - it was resistance, but there was also growth taking place.
I'm not going to list any changes I'm witnessing, because my sight is firmly on my goals and vision. I truly don't care how exactly I'm changing, as long as I reach my goals and keep my integrity. I guess that's still reporting a change, because I didn't use to be like that. Anyway, stage 3 starts tomorrow.
Shannon's feedback in Quote's thread put a lot of details from my experience into perspective. I'm resisting forgiveness, that's for sure. Forgiveness in this case means allowing other people to do things, that seem unproductive. It seems that it has to be self-forgiveness as well, since I was the one to choose to associate with such behaviors and waste, literally, years doing them. Forgive and take responsibility for yourself - that seems to be the way out of this.
Another insight I got was regarding my procrastination issues from this month. The thing is, I was only playing games, that got me to manage stuff. Dead state is somewhat of a managerial game. While playing it in and of it self isn't productive to business, I believe it gave me the training wheels I needed to start my way to becoming a manager. I find it completely non-interesting now (although I'm probably halfway through), because I'm ready for a larger context, in which to practice my managerial skills. I might (and probably will) screw up a lot, but I'm ready for it and I'm guessing that's what BASE was leading me towards. In a way, I was right - it was resistance, but there was also growth taking place.
I'm not going to list any changes I'm witnessing, because my sight is firmly on my goals and vision. I truly don't care how exactly I'm changing, as long as I reach my goals and keep my integrity. I guess that's still reporting a change, because I didn't use to be like that. Anyway, stage 3 starts tomorrow.
