01-13-2011, 02:02 PM
1/13/11
The best way I can describe how I feel right now is upside down. I feel like all my beliefs and thoughts about myself were just turned upside down and I can't make sense of any of it. I'm demanding more respect from people and not tolerating any lack of respect because I've come to realize that I deserve respect.
I feel edgier, thats the best way to describe it. I've read a lot of books about the ego and spiritual enlightenment. During that phase I always was a good natured person, except I felt that people would walk all over me and I would just tolerate it. I really don't know how practical spiritual teachings are to fix all your problems. I have received tremendous value from it, but I don't believe meditating alone can fix problems.
If anything I became too humble. I thought being more confident or dominant was just being arrogant so I never really thought highly of myself.
It's a weird transition because I feel like I'm at a crossroads between who I was and who I am becoming. The fact is that who I was tended to be a nervous wreck of a guy who was generally afraid of people. I feel like that old me is dying, and being replaced with a new one. I still have the same personality, interests, hobbies, etc. but I don't feel like "me". It's hard to describe but it feels like I've stepped into a parallel universe and all of a sudden things just shifted, I feel out of place.
I'm having a lot of fear of change right now and my mind has attempted to convince me many times to stop the subliminal, but I know better. I want this change, but in the back of my head I feel like someone is yelling that this isn't right and I need to stop. More than anything else I want freedom and I'm willing to keep pushing until I shatter my resistance.
The best way I can describe how I feel right now is upside down. I feel like all my beliefs and thoughts about myself were just turned upside down and I can't make sense of any of it. I'm demanding more respect from people and not tolerating any lack of respect because I've come to realize that I deserve respect.
I feel edgier, thats the best way to describe it. I've read a lot of books about the ego and spiritual enlightenment. During that phase I always was a good natured person, except I felt that people would walk all over me and I would just tolerate it. I really don't know how practical spiritual teachings are to fix all your problems. I have received tremendous value from it, but I don't believe meditating alone can fix problems.
If anything I became too humble. I thought being more confident or dominant was just being arrogant so I never really thought highly of myself.
It's a weird transition because I feel like I'm at a crossroads between who I was and who I am becoming. The fact is that who I was tended to be a nervous wreck of a guy who was generally afraid of people. I feel like that old me is dying, and being replaced with a new one. I still have the same personality, interests, hobbies, etc. but I don't feel like "me". It's hard to describe but it feels like I've stepped into a parallel universe and all of a sudden things just shifted, I feel out of place.
I'm having a lot of fear of change right now and my mind has attempted to convince me many times to stop the subliminal, but I know better. I want this change, but in the back of my head I feel like someone is yelling that this isn't right and I need to stop. More than anything else I want freedom and I'm willing to keep pushing until I shatter my resistance.
