11-02-2014, 03:57 PM
@ Red Panda
You kind of sound like that guy I was having emotional issues with. Thanks for going into a bit more detail.
Stage 2
Day 18
I only got 5 1/2 hours yesterday because I forgot to turn on the laptop. It sucks. Oh well, I have been having the usual ups and downs.
I have talked to a couple strangers lately and the conversations were interesting. I smile a lot more and some people have been extra helpful the last few days. I really do feel like I'm at peace. I don't feel that depression and even when I do feel it I know for a fact it is just temporary. I have actually felt very grateful for a change. Every now and then simple things really catch my eye like the sun shining through the window or hearing a dog bark, and I just start becoming aware of everything. Just being in the present moment.
What bothered me today was when I walked into wal-mart I was feeling okay. Then I started looking around and saw how most of the women there were not what I would consider alpha (by Shannon's definition not the other websites). Then I started to really see how everyone in the store was almost in a zombie like state. Just doing what they have to do to get by. It made me depressed and have been a bad mood since. I just want to be left alone right now.
I have felt like crying for a while now and can't figure out for the life of me how to release it.
I need to stop beating myself up for feeling bad. I thought I was done but I obviously need to work on that.
I hate that I have to keep the peace and not go out so that nobody has to worry about me. This is a killer but I will be doing something. I also realized to today that I need to move out. Everybody has been talking me out of moving out. I won't be having anymore of it. I really can't do what I want till then. I just need to find a better job. I'm a scared thinking about it but I know it is something that needs to be done. I gotta take some risk and stop playing it safe.
I feel a little better typing that.
You kind of sound like that guy I was having emotional issues with. Thanks for going into a bit more detail.
Stage 2
Day 18
I only got 5 1/2 hours yesterday because I forgot to turn on the laptop. It sucks. Oh well, I have been having the usual ups and downs.
I have talked to a couple strangers lately and the conversations were interesting. I smile a lot more and some people have been extra helpful the last few days. I really do feel like I'm at peace. I don't feel that depression and even when I do feel it I know for a fact it is just temporary. I have actually felt very grateful for a change. Every now and then simple things really catch my eye like the sun shining through the window or hearing a dog bark, and I just start becoming aware of everything. Just being in the present moment.
What bothered me today was when I walked into wal-mart I was feeling okay. Then I started looking around and saw how most of the women there were not what I would consider alpha (by Shannon's definition not the other websites). Then I started to really see how everyone in the store was almost in a zombie like state. Just doing what they have to do to get by. It made me depressed and have been a bad mood since. I just want to be left alone right now.
I have felt like crying for a while now and can't figure out for the life of me how to release it.
I need to stop beating myself up for feeling bad. I thought I was done but I obviously need to work on that.
I hate that I have to keep the peace and not go out so that nobody has to worry about me. This is a killer but I will be doing something. I also realized to today that I need to move out. Everybody has been talking me out of moving out. I won't be having anymore of it. I really can't do what I want till then. I just need to find a better job. I'm a scared thinking about it but I know it is something that needs to be done. I gotta take some risk and stop playing it safe.
I feel a little better typing that.
