10-26-2014, 07:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-26-2014, 07:32 PM by Why So Serious?.)
@Manaic 360 Yes your right it is working. I just needed to get more in touch with my feelings that's all.
Stage 2
Day 12
I don't have those incredibly strong feeling for that guy anymore.
Well I do but lately I think I'm excepting my emotions a bit more. Now it just feels natural not like I'm going out of control or going crazy.
I still feel some kind of energy coming from me the last two days. I'm not sure what to call it. I guess feminine energy will do for now till I can think of something better. Maybe I should call it anything at all. This is so confusing. Okay enough of that, whatever it is coming from me I feel really alive and at peace with myself whenever I do feel it.I'm able to say and do things with feeling. Like if say "I love you" to my mom I really feel like I meant it. I don't fell like I'm just saying it just because I have too anymore. I even comforted my little niece in the store because she was cold. That's really not like me at all.
I also walked by the floral section and really enjoyed the scent of the flowers. I mean I really, really enjoyed it. I was in my own little world for a moment. We all ended up having lunch at home and I like that as well. Everyone sitting there just enjoying eating together with a little conversation going was just awesome. We had the windows open and it was very nice day. Well the whole weekend was nice.
We went shopping later on and I didn't like it. It felt like it was a huge distraction. "Just keep buying more stuff and you'll be happy." "But wait even if you buy this the happiness will wear off so you'll need to buy even more things." That's what went through my head while we out.
I am still a sensitive person who still cries very easily but everyone was telling me not to cry so much it makes me look weak. At the same time I didn't know it would make so cold, emotionless, and angry at the whole world. To make matters worse I have been doing this since I was six years old. I also came to the conclusion that the reason I'm so bitter, cold and aloof is because I haven't had any contact with whatever energy that was coming from within me. I thought that by burying it deep inside like everyone else (women especially) I'll eventually be happy. The problem is that their not happy. I was just following some map because that is what I'm supposed to do. Sighs.....This sucks. I figured out the whole reason why I was the way I am going shopping. Who would have figured?
My dad visited to day and well I was shocked. I didn't think of him as a real man anymore. I wasn't as frightened of him as I used to be. I really saw him for who was for time in my life. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself leave in fantasy land thinking he could do great things. He is still filled with empty promises and broken dreams. I can't believe I idolized him for so long. The worst part is everyone kept telling me not to give him the benefit of the doubt. I listened but now I can see it clearly. I'll still give him the respect he deserves but I'll be distancing myself from him for a little while.
Definitely noticing guys are being friendlier than usual. My sisters boyfriend will usually just give me hug and thats it but he has actually given me a kiss the last couple of visits. Just a friendly kiss on the cheek nothing more. HE knows better and I definitely know better(I don't like him like that anyway. even if I did just no, nope, never would think about it). Also more hugs. I'll have to ask him to stop though that's something I really don't want to start nor be in the middle of. I'm not comfortable with that even if he is just being friendly. Which he is I can tell he is I just don't want any of that kind of drama in my life. His friends were nicer to me as well. I'm not trying to steal the spotlight from my sister. I want it to stay on her especially when her company is around.
That's enough for now. Still have a lot of issues to work on. So far it's been interesting.
P.S. I anyone has some books,videos, articles, whatever to recommend on the energy that I'm feeling I would appreciate it greatly. I don't know how to explain it too well or what to call it.
Stage 2
Day 12
I don't have those incredibly strong feeling for that guy anymore.
Well I do but lately I think I'm excepting my emotions a bit more. Now it just feels natural not like I'm going out of control or going crazy.I still feel some kind of energy coming from me the last two days. I'm not sure what to call it. I guess feminine energy will do for now till I can think of something better. Maybe I should call it anything at all. This is so confusing. Okay enough of that, whatever it is coming from me I feel really alive and at peace with myself whenever I do feel it.I'm able to say and do things with feeling. Like if say "I love you" to my mom I really feel like I meant it. I don't fell like I'm just saying it just because I have too anymore. I even comforted my little niece in the store because she was cold. That's really not like me at all.
I also walked by the floral section and really enjoyed the scent of the flowers. I mean I really, really enjoyed it. I was in my own little world for a moment. We all ended up having lunch at home and I like that as well. Everyone sitting there just enjoying eating together with a little conversation going was just awesome. We had the windows open and it was very nice day. Well the whole weekend was nice.
We went shopping later on and I didn't like it. It felt like it was a huge distraction. "Just keep buying more stuff and you'll be happy." "But wait even if you buy this the happiness will wear off so you'll need to buy even more things." That's what went through my head while we out.
I am still a sensitive person who still cries very easily but everyone was telling me not to cry so much it makes me look weak. At the same time I didn't know it would make so cold, emotionless, and angry at the whole world. To make matters worse I have been doing this since I was six years old. I also came to the conclusion that the reason I'm so bitter, cold and aloof is because I haven't had any contact with whatever energy that was coming from within me. I thought that by burying it deep inside like everyone else (women especially) I'll eventually be happy. The problem is that their not happy. I was just following some map because that is what I'm supposed to do. Sighs.....This sucks. I figured out the whole reason why I was the way I am going shopping. Who would have figured?
My dad visited to day and well I was shocked. I didn't think of him as a real man anymore. I wasn't as frightened of him as I used to be. I really saw him for who was for time in my life. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself leave in fantasy land thinking he could do great things. He is still filled with empty promises and broken dreams. I can't believe I idolized him for so long. The worst part is everyone kept telling me not to give him the benefit of the doubt. I listened but now I can see it clearly. I'll still give him the respect he deserves but I'll be distancing myself from him for a little while.
Definitely noticing guys are being friendlier than usual. My sisters boyfriend will usually just give me hug and thats it but he has actually given me a kiss the last couple of visits. Just a friendly kiss on the cheek nothing more. HE knows better and I definitely know better(I don't like him like that anyway. even if I did just no, nope, never would think about it). Also more hugs. I'll have to ask him to stop though that's something I really don't want to start nor be in the middle of. I'm not comfortable with that even if he is just being friendly. Which he is I can tell he is I just don't want any of that kind of drama in my life. His friends were nicer to me as well. I'm not trying to steal the spotlight from my sister. I want it to stay on her especially when her company is around.
That's enough for now. Still have a lot of issues to work on. So far it's been interesting.
P.S. I anyone has some books,videos, articles, whatever to recommend on the energy that I'm feeling I would appreciate it greatly. I don't know how to explain it too well or what to call it.
