10-16-2014, 05:29 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-16-2014, 05:43 PM by Why So Serious?.)
Thanks for stopping by Athena. I didn't think my journal was interesting or inspiring compared to others so once again thanks.
Stage 2
Day 2
The last couple of days have been filled with paranoia. I can't tell if it's the pms or the sub, so I'll wait before I make a comment on that. The good news is that I haven't had to take any medication for the cramps although I still get them. It's just not as painful. I still have the mood swings but they are getting a little bit better. The bloating got worse. The cravings have slowed down.
It's kind of funny usually I can't tell if the subs are working or not because of this time of the month. I can definitely feel it working in the background. Even at work I was still trying to be alpha event though I wasn't feeling my best.
I do have my moments where I want to be more productive but once again the procrastination settles in. I really do want to get rid of that once and for all.
Once again for some odd reason I really want and can see myself being an artist. I have even started practicing a little bit. It's like my mind is really made up on being an artist. For once I am going to admit that I am scared of doing this for a living. I think it's because everyone makes it look like it is on of the toughest careers to get into and so little chance of succeeding.
The years of practicing is something that scares me off as well. I would have to practice any where between two to ten years to get where I want to be skill wise. Competition is hellish in that field.
Then I got tot figure out what to do for money till I can make it as an artist because I certainly don't want tot be working where I'm at for ever or any other dead end jobs for that matter.
I may meet up with someone who is an artist as well who I'm really not looking forward to seeing for personal reasons. I might not have a choice in that one. I'll see in the future.
For some odd reason I wouldn't mind going back to college either. Don't know what I would major in but I'll figure it out.
I also figured out that I'm just scared of relationships of kinds. I scared no one will like me once they really get to know so I just start cutting people off after I feel they have gotten to a certain point. I do this with family as well mom and dad included. I'm slowly opening up but his will take some time.
I'm really lost right now on what to do and this paranoid feeling isn't helping. I just want to curl up and ball and disappear. Just get away form everything just for a moments. I know it sounds like I'm going through some serious depression right now. In a way it does feel like it but at the same time it doesn't. I just feels like this is something that er.... how could I put it....needs to be done? I once again don't know how to explain it. Kinda like "This too shall pass". I just need to figure this out and take some action toward whatever I'm going to do. Can't be like this for too long.
Oh and before I go I really think I'm moving toward not drinking and smoking at all. I see wine in the store I remember how it taste and then I just walk past it. I just don't feel the need to do that stuff.
Stage 2
Day 2
The last couple of days have been filled with paranoia. I can't tell if it's the pms or the sub, so I'll wait before I make a comment on that. The good news is that I haven't had to take any medication for the cramps although I still get them. It's just not as painful. I still have the mood swings but they are getting a little bit better. The bloating got worse. The cravings have slowed down.
It's kind of funny usually I can't tell if the subs are working or not because of this time of the month. I can definitely feel it working in the background. Even at work I was still trying to be alpha event though I wasn't feeling my best.
I do have my moments where I want to be more productive but once again the procrastination settles in. I really do want to get rid of that once and for all.
Once again for some odd reason I really want and can see myself being an artist. I have even started practicing a little bit. It's like my mind is really made up on being an artist. For once I am going to admit that I am scared of doing this for a living. I think it's because everyone makes it look like it is on of the toughest careers to get into and so little chance of succeeding.
The years of practicing is something that scares me off as well. I would have to practice any where between two to ten years to get where I want to be skill wise. Competition is hellish in that field.
Then I got tot figure out what to do for money till I can make it as an artist because I certainly don't want tot be working where I'm at for ever or any other dead end jobs for that matter.
I may meet up with someone who is an artist as well who I'm really not looking forward to seeing for personal reasons. I might not have a choice in that one. I'll see in the future.
For some odd reason I wouldn't mind going back to college either. Don't know what I would major in but I'll figure it out.
I also figured out that I'm just scared of relationships of kinds. I scared no one will like me once they really get to know so I just start cutting people off after I feel they have gotten to a certain point. I do this with family as well mom and dad included. I'm slowly opening up but his will take some time.
I'm really lost right now on what to do and this paranoid feeling isn't helping. I just want to curl up and ball and disappear. Just get away form everything just for a moments. I know it sounds like I'm going through some serious depression right now. In a way it does feel like it but at the same time it doesn't. I just feels like this is something that er.... how could I put it....needs to be done? I once again don't know how to explain it. Kinda like "This too shall pass". I just need to figure this out and take some action toward whatever I'm going to do. Can't be like this for too long.
Oh and before I go I really think I'm moving toward not drinking and smoking at all. I see wine in the store I remember how it taste and then I just walk past it. I just don't feel the need to do that stuff.
