10-11-2014, 02:54 AM
Stage 3 Day 14
Quick update...
I forgot to add in my last update that for the last few days before (and it's only just wearing off now), I felt a slight pressure in my throat like someone pressing their finger lightly on it. Then at one point for about half an hour it felt like my throat was expanding up to twice the size and swallowing felt really strange. It wasn't an infection or a cold virus and there was no ill effects but it was unnerving.
My anxiety has eased somewhat and I'm finding that it's morphing into a rebellious streak. I just want to tear the rule book up and cause as much shit as possible in my life. Not a nasty shit, just want to wake the sheep up and stop them wasting their time. I think the part of not caring what people think has kicked in more as I'm being more forthright in what I say and do. Don't get me wrong I'm not being nasty to people, but subtly trying to wake them up. I've got a bit of the devil in me at the moment
I don't know if this stage has finished with me yet but I'm really looking forward to stage 4 and I'm getting impatient with finishing stage 3. It's a very strange thing because this stage is like being pinned up against a wall and continually slapped on each side of the face then dropped on the floor. I don't feel anxious or depressed right now but realllly impatient to get onto the next stage.
There has been some deep shifts in my being that are hard to verbalise. One word I could use is Maturity and another would be Clarity. I can see so much more clearly now my mistakes of the past when it came to women and other areas of my life. I had this strange belief that I would always be alright. This is from as long as I can remember. I always absolutely believed that things would fall to me and happen in my life without any real effort on my part..the life things like marriage, children, houses etc. Thankfully that foolhardy belief has gone
Quick update...
I forgot to add in my last update that for the last few days before (and it's only just wearing off now), I felt a slight pressure in my throat like someone pressing their finger lightly on it. Then at one point for about half an hour it felt like my throat was expanding up to twice the size and swallowing felt really strange. It wasn't an infection or a cold virus and there was no ill effects but it was unnerving.
My anxiety has eased somewhat and I'm finding that it's morphing into a rebellious streak. I just want to tear the rule book up and cause as much shit as possible in my life. Not a nasty shit, just want to wake the sheep up and stop them wasting their time. I think the part of not caring what people think has kicked in more as I'm being more forthright in what I say and do. Don't get me wrong I'm not being nasty to people, but subtly trying to wake them up. I've got a bit of the devil in me at the moment
I don't know if this stage has finished with me yet but I'm really looking forward to stage 4 and I'm getting impatient with finishing stage 3. It's a very strange thing because this stage is like being pinned up against a wall and continually slapped on each side of the face then dropped on the floor. I don't feel anxious or depressed right now but realllly impatient to get onto the next stage.
There has been some deep shifts in my being that are hard to verbalise. One word I could use is Maturity and another would be Clarity. I can see so much more clearly now my mistakes of the past when it came to women and other areas of my life. I had this strange belief that I would always be alright. This is from as long as I can remember. I always absolutely believed that things would fall to me and happen in my life without any real effort on my part..the life things like marriage, children, houses etc. Thankfully that foolhardy belief has gone
