09-08-2014, 12:30 AM
So 31 nights since I started again and 29 nights exposure.
Dreams are crazy, 2 nights ago I fell asleep without even turning on the sub because I was destroyed from work. I kept dipping in and out of intense dreams of being chased and being in dangerous situations. Parts were lucid and I marvelled at how my mind had taken tiny elements from my life and had constructed this intricate and vivid theatre.
Progress has been stunted, or at least less obvious since I took my adhd meds.
I'm still learning more and more.
I note a few things that I will work to clear now
I was stuck on feelings for this girl, treating her poorly, liking her but resenting that I liked her and it would be so easy for her to be flippant with that emotion, to not place any real value on it.
At work I'm so afraid of doing things wrong or being thought stupid that I rush and don't allow my mind a chance to catch up, so I make stupid mistakes and look foolish.
I can't focus because my mind is drawn off by emotional needs. Largely to do with validation from women or people, external validation is still quite strong.
Used pstech for the first time properly on Saturday , not sure what I was even clearing because I couldn't feel a lot but had tears pouring out my eyes and a runny nose after 10 mins. Most odd!
Dreams are crazy, 2 nights ago I fell asleep without even turning on the sub because I was destroyed from work. I kept dipping in and out of intense dreams of being chased and being in dangerous situations. Parts were lucid and I marvelled at how my mind had taken tiny elements from my life and had constructed this intricate and vivid theatre.
Progress has been stunted, or at least less obvious since I took my adhd meds.
I'm still learning more and more.
I note a few things that I will work to clear now
I was stuck on feelings for this girl, treating her poorly, liking her but resenting that I liked her and it would be so easy for her to be flippant with that emotion, to not place any real value on it.
At work I'm so afraid of doing things wrong or being thought stupid that I rush and don't allow my mind a chance to catch up, so I make stupid mistakes and look foolish.
I can't focus because my mind is drawn off by emotional needs. Largely to do with validation from women or people, external validation is still quite strong.
Used pstech for the first time properly on Saturday , not sure what I was even clearing because I couldn't feel a lot but had tears pouring out my eyes and a runny nose after 10 mins. Most odd!
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
