01-06-2014, 06:14 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-06-2014, 06:25 AM by AlphaScorpio.)
Stage 1 Day 8 - Total exposure 116 hours and 40minutes
I decided to watch some NG again for today. after watching 2 videos I thought about women and my general relationship with them... I think I've been secretly despising them on a very deep level and it could be one of the reasons I have very little success with them... They pick up on that shit and auto reject (unless they are themselves emotionally fucked) I've had this realisation but I'm not sure what to do about it or what to believe.
On one hand I want to be alpha and not give a fuck badboy etc. and on the other hand I want to be loving and have happiness. Maybe the key is to be alpha with a great love for himself and everyone around him but who doesn't take shit from people either...?
This is a tough and confusing thought. I mean, I was pretty nice guy for most of my life but maybe I was only being a nice guy because I thought that was "the proper thing to do to get respect and women" and when women didn't seem to like that and I'd get nowhere with them I got very bitter and turned all of that into a kind of quiet anger.
Right now I feel as if I am a badboy/jerk (with some leftover niceguy traits) with no confidence essentially the opposite of my genuine self which I think is Good guy with confidence or "edge". I've been hating myself and others for too long it's time to heal this.
Maybe I am overcoming some victim mentality?
I decided to watch some NG again for today. after watching 2 videos I thought about women and my general relationship with them... I think I've been secretly despising them on a very deep level and it could be one of the reasons I have very little success with them... They pick up on that shit and auto reject (unless they are themselves emotionally fucked) I've had this realisation but I'm not sure what to do about it or what to believe.
On one hand I want to be alpha and not give a fuck badboy etc. and on the other hand I want to be loving and have happiness. Maybe the key is to be alpha with a great love for himself and everyone around him but who doesn't take shit from people either...?
This is a tough and confusing thought. I mean, I was pretty nice guy for most of my life but maybe I was only being a nice guy because I thought that was "the proper thing to do to get respect and women" and when women didn't seem to like that and I'd get nowhere with them I got very bitter and turned all of that into a kind of quiet anger.
Right now I feel as if I am a badboy/jerk (with some leftover niceguy traits) with no confidence essentially the opposite of my genuine self which I think is Good guy with confidence or "edge". I've been hating myself and others for too long it's time to heal this.
Maybe I am overcoming some victim mentality?
