11-07-2013, 01:07 PM
AM5 Stage 2, Day 15 / OGFS Day 14
It was a tough period. I fapped only once last Friday, then I felt totally miserable 3 days.
Last week-end until yesterday, I had moments of emotional desperation like everything is futile, why am I doing this, it will not count, I will not count. A lot of internal shacking, conflicts, self depreciation. I even wanted to quit Toastmasters and the competition speech I am about to prepare.
I hate that I'm too passive in general, I don't take the initiative/lead when necessary, I'm not pushy to do what it takes and when it takes. Everyone around me feel that, it's normal. I have social opportunities, I cannot complain about this, but I hate the fact that I don't take profit from those interactions / not necessarily with women.
Also, I am too much dependent on what others think of me. Who cares what they think? I can respect them, but I don't have to get soaked in their world.
The only good part, until now, it the fitness side - never in my life I didn't have that drive to go to the gym. This week I'm doing body shapping + cardio box and next week body shapping + crossfit. I feel my overall physical resistance improved a lot.
The others objectives are on track - Czech language, meditation, breathing routine - 6 days/week. I think I reduced the overall Internet browsing - still, there is room to improve. This week-end will be hardcore as I have to prepare the TM speeches - but this is a real must.
Hope things will get smoother. Best days to everyone!
Some motivational stuff that I liked watching these days:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yncJ3_uL18U\
It was a tough period. I fapped only once last Friday, then I felt totally miserable 3 days.
Last week-end until yesterday, I had moments of emotional desperation like everything is futile, why am I doing this, it will not count, I will not count. A lot of internal shacking, conflicts, self depreciation. I even wanted to quit Toastmasters and the competition speech I am about to prepare.
I hate that I'm too passive in general, I don't take the initiative/lead when necessary, I'm not pushy to do what it takes and when it takes. Everyone around me feel that, it's normal. I have social opportunities, I cannot complain about this, but I hate the fact that I don't take profit from those interactions / not necessarily with women.
Also, I am too much dependent on what others think of me. Who cares what they think? I can respect them, but I don't have to get soaked in their world.
The only good part, until now, it the fitness side - never in my life I didn't have that drive to go to the gym. This week I'm doing body shapping + cardio box and next week body shapping + crossfit. I feel my overall physical resistance improved a lot.
The others objectives are on track - Czech language, meditation, breathing routine - 6 days/week. I think I reduced the overall Internet browsing - still, there is room to improve. This week-end will be hardcore as I have to prepare the TM speeches - but this is a real must.
Hope things will get smoother. Best days to everyone!
Some motivational stuff that I liked watching these days:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yncJ3_uL18U\
