09-16-2013, 02:26 PM
Stage 5 day 16, Felt a bit tired and irritable/detatched today at college this one girl who always flirts with me and other boys is starting to annoy me, always looking at me and asking me questions (she's hot) but I wasn't in the mood and her voice irritates me.
In class I sat next to her and she asks me what the answer for one of the questions is I was quite confused and indecisive and just said "Uh, dunno this one or something" then she rudely goes "No it ain't you div" (div = idiot) and I was like mmhm nobody is talking to me like that. Then when the lesson finished I thought shall I stick around and wait for her to walk her outside but I thought well I'm not hanging round for disrespectful people it's a waste of my energy and time and just walked right out and back to my motorbike, felt good cause a few months ago I would've probably hung round just because I felt like I had to wait for her, but now no matter how hot a girl is I'm not hanging round if they are gonna be rude even if it's a joke, I was offended at first but didn't give it too much thought, felt liberating.
In other news My friend said how It seems like I've stopped caring about being at the top of the hierarchy in my group and that I seem to not give much of a fuck. I talked about why he thought this etc. then he says you pretty much are the top/near top of the group most of the time these days. I found that interesting.
I've noticed it myself that I don't really care if I'm not the center of attention all the time I don't mind just sitting and listening but if someone has a go at me or criticizes me unfairly I will definitely step up to put my point across (which is quite rare someone has a go at me now anyway).
My friend tried to make me get some money changed for him (he's a bit of a control freak) and I just flat out said no it's your money so you can go get it changed, he got annoyed but eventually just went and got it changed, I'm not running around for people, get it yourself mate.
I sometimes feel a little insecure or irritable/detached or in a bad mood but I do feel much better in general compared to what I used to be like, I'm less caring about what other people think.
Learning a lot on this journey, sometimes it feels like I'm prompted into situations where I am given a choice of how to react, like before I would just act beta or too aggressively/irrationally, but now it's like I actually have the power to step back and evaluate then make a decision based on my values and then follow through with it, I'm liking this style. It really feels like training not just the sub making me automatically alpha with no effort.
I can't wait to get a hold of AM6 and go through all those super rough first stages, It's gonna be tough but I love challenge!
Bring it on!
In class I sat next to her and she asks me what the answer for one of the questions is I was quite confused and indecisive and just said "Uh, dunno this one or something" then she rudely goes "No it ain't you div" (div = idiot) and I was like mmhm nobody is talking to me like that. Then when the lesson finished I thought shall I stick around and wait for her to walk her outside but I thought well I'm not hanging round for disrespectful people it's a waste of my energy and time and just walked right out and back to my motorbike, felt good cause a few months ago I would've probably hung round just because I felt like I had to wait for her, but now no matter how hot a girl is I'm not hanging round if they are gonna be rude even if it's a joke, I was offended at first but didn't give it too much thought, felt liberating.
In other news My friend said how It seems like I've stopped caring about being at the top of the hierarchy in my group and that I seem to not give much of a fuck. I talked about why he thought this etc. then he says you pretty much are the top/near top of the group most of the time these days. I found that interesting.
I've noticed it myself that I don't really care if I'm not the center of attention all the time I don't mind just sitting and listening but if someone has a go at me or criticizes me unfairly I will definitely step up to put my point across (which is quite rare someone has a go at me now anyway).
My friend tried to make me get some money changed for him (he's a bit of a control freak) and I just flat out said no it's your money so you can go get it changed, he got annoyed but eventually just went and got it changed, I'm not running around for people, get it yourself mate.
I sometimes feel a little insecure or irritable/detached or in a bad mood but I do feel much better in general compared to what I used to be like, I'm less caring about what other people think.
Learning a lot on this journey, sometimes it feels like I'm prompted into situations where I am given a choice of how to react, like before I would just act beta or too aggressively/irrationally, but now it's like I actually have the power to step back and evaluate then make a decision based on my values and then follow through with it, I'm liking this style. It really feels like training not just the sub making me automatically alpha with no effort.
I can't wait to get a hold of AM6 and go through all those super rough first stages, It's gonna be tough but I love challenge!
Bring it on!
