AYD's BAMM Journal

[Andrew]

I've noticed a pattern.  An environment is setup to get me to a "enough is enough” mindset in order for me to break through the barriers impeding my path and instill in me a new believe system.   Let's use candy as an metaphor.  I have a casual desire to reduce the amount of candy I consume.  Casual desire equates to casual determination, resolve, and performance.  I continued eat too much candy because my resolve is only casual.  The ultimate goal is to reduce my weight and improve my health.  Until I control my candy consumption, my other efforts for weight management are hindered.

With BAMM I see the removal of all resolve to stop eating candy (like I have no self-control).  I still desire to control the amount of candy but with almost zero resolve.  I eat to excess with only the rewards of short term satisfaction while reaping the consequences of my actions (a candy hangover).

I see the intent of this path is to have me hit rock bottom (skid row) and keep me in that state until I get to the point that my mind state changes to “enough is enough” and “I never want to be here again”.  The intent is to increase my desire, determination and resolve to break free of my existing behavior which results in a casual determination. 

This is a cyclical growth process with lower rock bottoms and larger growth until I'm so fed up with the eating of candy that I turn and never look back.  A new believes system is born with a determination, resolve, and desire to remove candy from my live.  The risk is that I become addicted to candy and it becomes the master. 

I’m becoming fed up with many things but not all are to the point that I’ve said enough is enough. 

AYD

PS I'm in stage 6

I feel you all too well. I would sabotage myself to no end in targeted areas until I hit rock bottom them, sometimes multiple areas. It's what I used to call the "experience is king" approach. I let this pattern rule my life up until around May. I figured out this was the wrong way to go a few years back. Came up with alternatives in the fall. Decided to abandon it with some gains in awareness back in feb/march. Its tried to rear its ugly head since then but I have not allowed it to. I decided I was getting too old for this kind of drama to be hitting rock bottom to "learn from experience" for EVERYTHING. It's just unreasonable. For example I don't need to nearly starve to death to appreciate food. Visiting China & other impoverished countries, as well as just having a strained budget as a student did that. No, I don't have the "holy sanctity & reverence" of food like people who have nearly died of starvation but I don't need it either.

I wish I had some hands-on advice to give on how I came over it. It really was a problem of gripping too hard. The way I keep it at bay in day-to-day life is I identify the problem...then eliminate it from my life, then find a replacement. I always find a replacement. If I had a candy issue, I'd figure out something zero or low-calorie that's non-toxic. Maybe I'd get a dehydrator and start making some dried barbecue flavor veggies. I'd bring it with me wherever I go. Eventually the old addiction to candy would be replaced by something stronger. The problem with the "experience is king" is it doesn't get rid of the addiction unless it's so extreme that you associate disgust with it. Be disgusted with candy? Until fake teeth, rotting gums, and surgery or maybe something traumatic like a family member choked on some candy...until all this came up in my mind every time I tried to eat candy I wouldn't be able to kick it.

I found something new to be extreme about. Myself, and being the best I can be with the time/resources I have. Accepting no substitute. Things like candy simply go away and I replace them with healthy things & new habits/beliefs/mental loops.