08-28-2013, 07:37 AM
Day 29 - Stage 4
Hey guys, I've decided that I'll be giving more regular updates to the journal as I often notice something happen with the sub then forget it or just feel like it's normal so it doesn't help with the journal.
Today I went to my college induction day, I felt nervous as hell when I woke up, I was thinking stuff like "Oh I won't make any friends there" or "People will think I'm too intense/intimidating to talk to" "I dont want to be on my own" etc. But when I got there I saw one of my old best friends from secondary school (High school) and hung around him for the day. We had various interviews, talks and tutor sessions to help us get started, I felt quite serious and intense to everyone else but my old friend it was weird, One moment I'll be laughing and light hearted with my friend then when someone else talks or a teacher asks me a question I'll go pretty much dead serious and body tightens up. I wonder why this is. Maybe I see them as a threat?
Socially I've been active, I stayed round my friend's house to paint his wall for his parents a few days ago, Me and him stayed up late talking about stuff, He is also a scorpio so we usually have these deep conversations, He said that I seem to be quite an extrovert, I said what since like a yearish ago? He was like yeah kinda recently. I found this interesting. I talked to him about his Girlfriend who was messing him around and being controlling/hard to get, I gave him honest feedback and advice which he thanked me for (even though he went and did the same mistake after lol) But he was doing a bit of approval seeking/ more respectful to me during and after that discussion.
Girlswise I'm still not really seeing much happen because I still kinda feel like I can't take the lead and move things forward, I can joke and do some alright conversation but I can't get that intimate or close like touching them on the arm, tickling or anything like that
I want a girl really badly though if I'm honest.
A few people have said to me recently that I come across as Aggressive/hard, One moment was when I was being all jokey and laughing and this guy says "Woah where did the hardcoreness go?" I replied I have a hard outer shell but really I've got a big, soft heart which he found amusing.
Another guy said to me that If he saw me walking towards him in the street he'd be scared, bare in mind this guy is pretty beta male lol.
Last scenario my scorpio friend said that I can sometimes be TOO confrontational/aggressive when sometimes I should just not give a **** I agreed but not sure whether that's me naturally or if AM has made some changes with that.
Ideally though I'd like a subtle undertone of aggression with a general sense of assertiveness and openness I dont want to come across as scary tbh.
I still have the sense of not feeling like the sub is not working which really pisses me off, If the results are not totally obvious I doubt the sub, it's frustrating...
Anywho thanks for reading folks.
Hey guys, I've decided that I'll be giving more regular updates to the journal as I often notice something happen with the sub then forget it or just feel like it's normal so it doesn't help with the journal.
Today I went to my college induction day, I felt nervous as hell when I woke up, I was thinking stuff like "Oh I won't make any friends there" or "People will think I'm too intense/intimidating to talk to" "I dont want to be on my own" etc. But when I got there I saw one of my old best friends from secondary school (High school) and hung around him for the day. We had various interviews, talks and tutor sessions to help us get started, I felt quite serious and intense to everyone else but my old friend it was weird, One moment I'll be laughing and light hearted with my friend then when someone else talks or a teacher asks me a question I'll go pretty much dead serious and body tightens up. I wonder why this is. Maybe I see them as a threat?
Socially I've been active, I stayed round my friend's house to paint his wall for his parents a few days ago, Me and him stayed up late talking about stuff, He is also a scorpio so we usually have these deep conversations, He said that I seem to be quite an extrovert, I said what since like a yearish ago? He was like yeah kinda recently. I found this interesting. I talked to him about his Girlfriend who was messing him around and being controlling/hard to get, I gave him honest feedback and advice which he thanked me for (even though he went and did the same mistake after lol) But he was doing a bit of approval seeking/ more respectful to me during and after that discussion.
Girlswise I'm still not really seeing much happen because I still kinda feel like I can't take the lead and move things forward, I can joke and do some alright conversation but I can't get that intimate or close like touching them on the arm, tickling or anything like that
I want a girl really badly though if I'm honest. A few people have said to me recently that I come across as Aggressive/hard, One moment was when I was being all jokey and laughing and this guy says "Woah where did the hardcoreness go?" I replied I have a hard outer shell but really I've got a big, soft heart which he found amusing.
Another guy said to me that If he saw me walking towards him in the street he'd be scared, bare in mind this guy is pretty beta male lol.
Last scenario my scorpio friend said that I can sometimes be TOO confrontational/aggressive when sometimes I should just not give a **** I agreed but not sure whether that's me naturally or if AM has made some changes with that.
Ideally though I'd like a subtle undertone of aggression with a general sense of assertiveness and openness I dont want to come across as scary tbh.
I still have the sense of not feeling like the sub is not working which really pisses me off, If the results are not totally obvious I doubt the sub, it's frustrating...
Anywho thanks for reading folks.
