06-17-2013, 09:09 PM
Day 3:
Listened to ASC 5.0 yesterday for probably 8 hours total. Purchased an Ipod shuffle and some night time earphones today for like $50 [http://www.sleepphones.com/]. I will try using regular ear buds with my Ipod until my new night earphones arrive.
Was super tired today, because I drank a lot of vino last night, stayed up late, and woke up early. Only had to work a half shift today, and was dragging mentally and physically. However, on the positive side...
(1) Dealt with a coworker today regarding an issue that's been bothering me about his performance for some time. I've been waiting for my boss to handle the situation, but nothing has changed. Fed up, I did the best I could to express my wish that he change a certain bad habit of his. The interaction didn't go well at first, but turned around for the better. He says he understands my perspective. Time will tell. It is a weight lifted off my shoulders, because I've been biting my tongue on this issue for quite some time now.
(2) A very cute and married supervisor who I rarely interact with planted herself right next to me, very close (our arms touched when she stood close) during a quick verbal interaction we were having while unloading a delievery truck tonight. She's very cute, and seemed excited by my presence. I have zero interest in pursuing a married woman, and very likely she also. It was fun though, and she seemed to be having fun (though less consciously than I).
(3) I'm caucasion, and the store I work at is located in a neighborhood relatively dense in african americans. Anyhow, while unloading said truck, pulling loaded pallets through the store, a very petite and sexy black girl went out of her way to "accidentally" cross my path as I pulled an empty jack through the store. She said "excuse me" like she'd done this type of thing many times before---totally relaxed. I said "excuse ME" and we continued on our separate ways. She was with her sister or something. She was probably like 18, wearing tight gray sweat shorts and a tight pink polo shirt. She had a very nice body.
I was so very tired that I had no energy to be creative in the moment and pursue her in any way. This is not to say that if I were completely energized I would have done anything different than what I ended up doing and saying. But, damn, these are the types of situations that I see as potentially golden sexual opportunities, if only I had the power and ability to transform them this way. This is the power that I want to possess.
This sexy young black girl went out of her way to "bump into" me. What the hell does this mean to her? What did she want from me?
(4) Decided to grow a gotee today. May seem strange, but this is sort of a big deal to me. I don't grow thick facial hair, so I've always considered myself to have no realistic options for sporting any facial fashions, and thus usually go with the clean shaven look like always. It is such a big deal that I was nervous driving to work, and walking into work---very self conscious that some women I know would say something sarcastic about it, my thin shadow of sparse hair now growing on my face.
But I noticed many other men sporting some sort of non-full facial hair thing, and felt better. In fact, I think I look better with it (4 days growth so far)---more masculine, more sex oriented.
Anyhow, today was a struggle due to tiredness, yet with nice positives nonetheless. Thinking of getting my ears and face pierced a-la Cory Skyy at some point (and not necessarily at the same time). Fears and worries about what people will think pervade my thoughts on this. Things like "lol, this guy thinks he's a player or something." I've never gone out of my way to sexify myself. It's very fun, and freeing to even consider the possibility...sexifying myself is such a new and different idea to me. I've always thought such things as silly, and thought men like this were kind of a joke, and that I was somehow better/more grounded/more authentic/more spiritual/etc. than them.
I'm not worrying so much about what others are doing these days, however. I'm much more focused on myself. It feels pretty good too.
Listened to ASC 5.0 yesterday for probably 8 hours total. Purchased an Ipod shuffle and some night time earphones today for like $50 [http://www.sleepphones.com/]. I will try using regular ear buds with my Ipod until my new night earphones arrive.
Was super tired today, because I drank a lot of vino last night, stayed up late, and woke up early. Only had to work a half shift today, and was dragging mentally and physically. However, on the positive side...
(1) Dealt with a coworker today regarding an issue that's been bothering me about his performance for some time. I've been waiting for my boss to handle the situation, but nothing has changed. Fed up, I did the best I could to express my wish that he change a certain bad habit of his. The interaction didn't go well at first, but turned around for the better. He says he understands my perspective. Time will tell. It is a weight lifted off my shoulders, because I've been biting my tongue on this issue for quite some time now.
(2) A very cute and married supervisor who I rarely interact with planted herself right next to me, very close (our arms touched when she stood close) during a quick verbal interaction we were having while unloading a delievery truck tonight. She's very cute, and seemed excited by my presence. I have zero interest in pursuing a married woman, and very likely she also. It was fun though, and she seemed to be having fun (though less consciously than I).
(3) I'm caucasion, and the store I work at is located in a neighborhood relatively dense in african americans. Anyhow, while unloading said truck, pulling loaded pallets through the store, a very petite and sexy black girl went out of her way to "accidentally" cross my path as I pulled an empty jack through the store. She said "excuse me" like she'd done this type of thing many times before---totally relaxed. I said "excuse ME" and we continued on our separate ways. She was with her sister or something. She was probably like 18, wearing tight gray sweat shorts and a tight pink polo shirt. She had a very nice body.
I was so very tired that I had no energy to be creative in the moment and pursue her in any way. This is not to say that if I were completely energized I would have done anything different than what I ended up doing and saying. But, damn, these are the types of situations that I see as potentially golden sexual opportunities, if only I had the power and ability to transform them this way. This is the power that I want to possess.
This sexy young black girl went out of her way to "bump into" me. What the hell does this mean to her? What did she want from me?
(4) Decided to grow a gotee today. May seem strange, but this is sort of a big deal to me. I don't grow thick facial hair, so I've always considered myself to have no realistic options for sporting any facial fashions, and thus usually go with the clean shaven look like always. It is such a big deal that I was nervous driving to work, and walking into work---very self conscious that some women I know would say something sarcastic about it, my thin shadow of sparse hair now growing on my face.
But I noticed many other men sporting some sort of non-full facial hair thing, and felt better. In fact, I think I look better with it (4 days growth so far)---more masculine, more sex oriented.
Anyhow, today was a struggle due to tiredness, yet with nice positives nonetheless. Thinking of getting my ears and face pierced a-la Cory Skyy at some point (and not necessarily at the same time). Fears and worries about what people will think pervade my thoughts on this. Things like "lol, this guy thinks he's a player or something." I've never gone out of my way to sexify myself. It's very fun, and freeing to even consider the possibility...sexifying myself is such a new and different idea to me. I've always thought such things as silly, and thought men like this were kind of a joke, and that I was somehow better/more grounded/more authentic/more spiritual/etc. than them.
I'm not worrying so much about what others are doing these days, however. I'm much more focused on myself. It feels pretty good too.
