05-28-2013, 05:44 PM
I'm almost a month in with OGSF. A lot has happened within the past month. In a way it pushed myself a lot. I had multiple fights with my gf which almost ended our relationship. Good thing we both reconciled. I learned a lot from them. As they say, handling and keeping a relationship requires a lot of work. But I don't want to consider it as work. I mean we're both having fun but when I think of it, it is due to the trials that make our relationship stronger. It does hurt a lot, emotionally speaking, when we fight.
Aside from that I believe that the sub is making me realize all the fears that I have. I have read the description of the OGSF and it states, "Guilt, shame and fear are negative and toxic emotional responses which are very useful for manipulation and control of the person experiencing them, and they are primarily used for that purpose. When you have outgrown the need for someone to control you, manipulate you or make you feel bad to keep you safe, and you can think for yourself and keep yourself safe, guilt, shame and fear become useless, and their natural toxicity becomes unreasonable." My concern is that yes, there are people that have been trying to control or manipulate me, but this time around I feel that I am the one being too controlling or manipulating to others. Yes, as a man I want to be the dominant force but I feel and discovered that I am being controlling due to having deep fears. For instance, I am being controlling with my gf's diet due to the fact that she might get fat. It's good that she is following me and now doing something to eat healthy. However, there are times when I get pissed off when she eats unhealthy like fastfood. It seems that I worry too much that she get sick or fat. As such, I became too controlling towards her. I just want to be assertive and not aggressive.
Another thing, I also read this, "It is also designed to do so without making you suffer in the process." Lately, I have been experiencing a kind of a tennis match in my head regarding my fears. Some of my dreams have also been quite disturbing. In others words, I feel I am stressing too much on my emotions instead of letting them go. My overthinking and worrying too much have been affecting me as well. Is this part of the process or should OGSF be smooth?
Aside from that I believe that the sub is making me realize all the fears that I have. I have read the description of the OGSF and it states, "Guilt, shame and fear are negative and toxic emotional responses which are very useful for manipulation and control of the person experiencing them, and they are primarily used for that purpose. When you have outgrown the need for someone to control you, manipulate you or make you feel bad to keep you safe, and you can think for yourself and keep yourself safe, guilt, shame and fear become useless, and their natural toxicity becomes unreasonable." My concern is that yes, there are people that have been trying to control or manipulate me, but this time around I feel that I am the one being too controlling or manipulating to others. Yes, as a man I want to be the dominant force but I feel and discovered that I am being controlling due to having deep fears. For instance, I am being controlling with my gf's diet due to the fact that she might get fat. It's good that she is following me and now doing something to eat healthy. However, there are times when I get pissed off when she eats unhealthy like fastfood. It seems that I worry too much that she get sick or fat. As such, I became too controlling towards her. I just want to be assertive and not aggressive.
Another thing, I also read this, "It is also designed to do so without making you suffer in the process." Lately, I have been experiencing a kind of a tennis match in my head regarding my fears. Some of my dreams have also been quite disturbing. In others words, I feel I am stressing too much on my emotions instead of letting them go. My overthinking and worrying too much have been affecting me as well. Is this part of the process or should OGSF be smooth?
"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
