Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame

[mat422]

So I finally have a job after months of unemployment. I'm in the beginning stages of dealing with all the stress from the new stuff I have to learn. In a way I'm happy I finally have a job and a source of money. But I'm also just overwhelmed and stressed out. It takes 40 days to make seniority and I'm just worried they'll lay me off if I'm not good enough. There's nothing incredibly challenging about it, but my whole mental state tends to make simple tasks problematic or cause me to screw up.

I definitely can't qualify for disability, so I have no excuses which means all my mistakes are completely my fault. That's just frustrating for me. I'm not the most severely depressed person or have the worst anxiety, but it does impair my ability to work to some degree.

I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm blowing everything out of proportion like I always do. But every single step to get here has been incredibly difficult and I'd hate to lose all that progress because I'm dealing with something that's not always in my control.

Alright I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm just gonna do my best and if it doesn't work out ok. I keep stressing over this stuff because I'm so focused on my failure. I don't know if I do that to prepare me for the worst or what. I can do this, no more doubting myself that doesn't help.