Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame

[mat422]

I think I'm having some trouble with things I don't really understand. Ever since I was a teenager things have been off in my life. I think I was a pretty happy kid, but after I hit puberty things got messy. Maybe it was the responsibilities thrown on me or the stress. Maybe I couldn't cope as well. I'm not gonna toss my hands up and go oh well chemical imbalance, not my fault so I shouldn't try. But my mom's side of the family doesn't have the best track record when it comes to mental health. And I'm a lot like my mom.

So where am I going with this? I think maybe I have to start exploring my physical body more. I'm gonna go to a good doctor and see if they can figure out if somethings wrong. Who knows maybe I can't absorb a vitamin and that's what makes things out of wack. I think if my physical health isn't up to par it's only going to make my ability to deal with my mental health even harder if not impossible.

It just feels like someone sucked the color out of my life. It's just this feeling of being numb to the things around me. And I do try to make the best of things, but when it doesn't work I feel guilty like I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know if it's really me not being positive, it's more like an absence of pleasure that makes it hard to live. You really have to have been there to get it, otherwise I think people have a tendency to think I'm just being negative or not trying to be happy enough.

But having said all that, I think accepting where I am and not being so hard on myself is better than saying how I should feel. I'll keep pushing myself to improve, but I won't fill myself with unnecessary guilt when things don't work out as planned.

Dont want to write anything lately been feeling tired i think i have to take it a little easier with the sub lol.

The thing that pops into my mind is hormone levels. Testosterone and estrogen, you might be feeling that way because you have low test and/or high estrogen.

Did you ever get your testosterone level checked? Either way you are probably not getting enough zinc.
It will raise your test back to normal levels and i think every male needs that. More test = more manliness lol cant have too much of that.
Not to mention that it regulates a few HUNDRED bodily functions and will give you a bigger drive and more energy. Inexpensive too.
Hormone levels will mess with you. If your estrogen is higher than your test then you can have all kinds of wierd shit happen to you. Low test can even cause depression, loss of libido, lack of energy.

I take 30 mgs Zinc Piccolnate (the best absorbing) every day and feel alot better than before i use to not take it.
I think its a good thing to supplement with

I did get tested a year or two ago. My results were normal. But I'm going to another doctor to get a second opinion. I forgot the actual number. But I don't think they tested estrogen. Hopefully this new doctor will be willing to really look into things.

Thanks for the suggestion about zinc. I'll hold off on that until I get the tests and everything. I just want to be sure.