Little update for myself, I'm increasingly irritable lately, and I don't have time for anyone's shit. It's to the point where I can barely talk to some people for more than 3 minutes because I feel like they're just nagging and whining... And it zaps my energy. I literally feel exhausted after some of these conversations, like holy fuck, let me off the damn phone!
I did my regular workout schedule today, and a couple of the guys said I've been more aggressive lately. They also noted that I haven't been positive like normal, and never show up with a smile on my face. This could be many things... Grams is in the hospital, I'm stressed with work, etc... But a couple people that know me well, did also mention that I'm not nessecarily being negative, but not positive either. Noting that I need to enjoy life and they just wanna see me happy. (Kinda caught me off guard really, I didn't notice)
In general, little things are pissing me the fuck off. The slightest bullshit from anyone and I feel like I'm gonna blow my top. I've been wanting to drink more lately too (I haven't been). The urge to flip the fuck out frequently is very strong. When I go lift, I would prefer to gear up and bang pads with someone rather than train.
I wanna fuck more. Jerking off is less attractive altogether... Rather just get pussy. Hunter gatherer is stronger, I've been getting higher quality foods and wanting wild meats more than normal. I don't know if this is my normal diet fluctuation that comes and goes in phases or what. Every woman that has an ass on her I just wanna plow... Getting bad, to the point where I could've just had sex and see an older woman that's so so and has body feature that I really like and BAM... I'm like a tribal hunter sniffing that shit out of a jungle tree. (I don't act on this ((yet haha)), but holy shit the urge is strong)
I need to journal more. Just writing this out and venting my general frustration feels a bit better. That and the captain and coke I just made. ;-) can't be upset on Easter now can ya. But really, it makes it a conscious realization that this is just a feeling, and it's probably temporary. That in itself naturally releives tensions, which I should do more of. Plus I'd like to laugh my ass off a year from now when I re read this.
Adding to that, I feel a general sensation of tension and frustration that just needs to be let out. I really can't put my finger on it, but the second someone starts in with some bullshit in a conversation with me it's like alright I'm out. They're not even being dramatic sometimes, but I feel it's about to happen and just shut down instantly want to get the fuck away from them. I've been working a ton lately, and noticEd any time I'm not spending working, I want it to be fun, relaxing, or somehow enjoyable. Anyone or anything that happens that I sense will prevent that from happening immediately gets me going and I label it "drama." GTFO!
Note to self- try to do these on a computer... Going back to correct auto corrects on an ipad is difficult.
I did my regular workout schedule today, and a couple of the guys said I've been more aggressive lately. They also noted that I haven't been positive like normal, and never show up with a smile on my face. This could be many things... Grams is in the hospital, I'm stressed with work, etc... But a couple people that know me well, did also mention that I'm not nessecarily being negative, but not positive either. Noting that I need to enjoy life and they just wanna see me happy. (Kinda caught me off guard really, I didn't notice)
In general, little things are pissing me the fuck off. The slightest bullshit from anyone and I feel like I'm gonna blow my top. I've been wanting to drink more lately too (I haven't been). The urge to flip the fuck out frequently is very strong. When I go lift, I would prefer to gear up and bang pads with someone rather than train.
I wanna fuck more. Jerking off is less attractive altogether... Rather just get pussy. Hunter gatherer is stronger, I've been getting higher quality foods and wanting wild meats more than normal. I don't know if this is my normal diet fluctuation that comes and goes in phases or what. Every woman that has an ass on her I just wanna plow... Getting bad, to the point where I could've just had sex and see an older woman that's so so and has body feature that I really like and BAM... I'm like a tribal hunter sniffing that shit out of a jungle tree. (I don't act on this ((yet haha)), but holy shit the urge is strong)
I need to journal more. Just writing this out and venting my general frustration feels a bit better. That and the captain and coke I just made. ;-) can't be upset on Easter now can ya. But really, it makes it a conscious realization that this is just a feeling, and it's probably temporary. That in itself naturally releives tensions, which I should do more of. Plus I'd like to laugh my ass off a year from now when I re read this.
Adding to that, I feel a general sensation of tension and frustration that just needs to be let out. I really can't put my finger on it, but the second someone starts in with some bullshit in a conversation with me it's like alright I'm out. They're not even being dramatic sometimes, but I feel it's about to happen and just shut down instantly want to get the fuck away from them. I've been working a ton lately, and noticEd any time I'm not spending working, I want it to be fun, relaxing, or somehow enjoyable. Anyone or anything that happens that I sense will prevent that from happening immediately gets me going and I label it "drama." GTFO!
Note to self- try to do these on a computer... Going back to correct auto corrects on an ipad is difficult.
