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+--- Thread: AM journal - cambooka (/Thread-AM-journal-cambooka)
AM journal - cambooka - cambooka - 03-18-2013
Didn't really see the need for all this in the beginning. However, I just realized I still check other people's just to see what they're experiencing, and I've been experiencing some irritability and strange dreams recently, so what the hell.
I'm a little late to the party... About 1 week in on stage 2 right now. Stage 1 was cool for the first week and a half. After a few weeks of the confidence sub, I bought AM and loved it so far.
Week 1 I felt more assertive. I seemed to think and feel more confident, sometimes in just suttle ways. For example, a business situation may have come up that I would normally shun away from a bit, and I was more comfortable just attacking it head on. Felt good... More pls!
The other 3 weeks I didn't really notice much.
Stage 2 seems to be a bit different. I'm more irritable lately, over things I could normally care less about. For example, I was watching a movie the other night (mr woodcock) and I was getting frustrated constantly. The movie sucked for one, but even more, people were being taken advantage of in the movie and I was getting pissed off. Finally I stood up to get a drink and shouted why the fuck isn't anyone doing anything!!! lol
Funny really, but very strange that I cared at all...it's just a movie. Anyhow, for the past week or so, I've been having some sort of chasing/fighting/shooting/conflict situation dreams. Either I'm chasing, being chased, shooting, or being shot. I'm somewhat into guns a little bit just for conceald carry, but that's nothing new. I sense that in my dreams, no matter which side I'm on, the ending is really just pushing me to the point of drastic action. (Or inaction, whereby I'm getting my ass kicked or something lol)
I'm noticing my tolerance for bullshit is changing. Normally I only tolerate shit from people who are close to me or long time friends. This seems to be changing, but not in a rude way... When a friend is telling me something somewhat drama filled, I kind of politely cut to the chase and cut them off at the pass. I'm more pleased during these conversations, and don't feel like I have to listen to a bunch of bullshit just to be nice. With some more tweaking, I think I can even be a better communicator and a more effective listener in less time taking this more direct approach.
With women I'm also a little less tolerant. I still struggle with this, and fall into the bullshit manipulation traps from drama queens occasionally. However, I do notice that I'm going "the hell with this, why would I want to be around someone like this" much more frequently the last 2 weeks. It doesn't seem to be enough to cut these people out of my life completely yet, although the thought has started to cross my mind a few times recently.
Looking forward to more... Love the journey. This really is a commitment and an investment in oneself. There are nights where I feel irritated that the damn stereo is on at all, and some nights when I hit the bars I don't always play my track. I learned not to take this so religiously, and just pick up,where I left off the next day. I add days at the end of the month to accommodate any missed days. Seems to work great for me.
Note to self- been listening to about hours during sleep only. Have yet to try headphones or any daytime listening. Night time works really well for me, although I'm sensitive to the volume. A bit too loud and it's annoying; almost keeping me awake. Too soft and I question if I'm getting the benefit. Haha
RE: AM journal - cambooka - Shannon - 03-19-2013
It's really a bad idea to get lazy and "just add days at the end of the month to make up for it". That takes you off the designed usage schedule and doesn't give best results. That's why the instructions say not to miss days in the first place. So yes, take it religiously, as you put it. It's important, and if you're going to do it, do it right.
Otherwise, thanks for the laugh (screaming at the TV). That was classic. Welcome to the party...
RE: AM journal - cambooka - cambooka - 03-19-2013
(03-19-2013, 12:05 AM)Shannon Wrote: It's really a bad idea to get lazy and "just add days at the end of the month to make up for it". That takes you off the designed usage schedule and doesn't give best results. That's why the instructions say not to miss days in the first place. So yes, take it religiously, as you put it. It's important, and if you're going to do it, do it right.
Otherwise, thanks for the laugh (screaming at the TV). That was classic. Welcome to the party...
Well Shannon, what's a guy to do. Respect for you work intended, there are situations that come up where I'm staying somewhere else, intoxicated, or simply need one night off. (This is messing with my sleep- very frequently I wake up and feel like I haven't slept much... Sometimes lots of physically thrashing around during the night to the point where it wakes me up, and waking up feeling like my teeth are in a different position. Idk if I'm clenching my jaw or what. Intense dreams.) This is important to me, but instead of getting my panties in a bunch about it, I keep track if I do screw up. (We're talking 2-3 days out of 32)
Thank you for all you put into these, I'm very pleased so far! I appreciate your hard work and dedication.
Ps- don't use a freaking ipad to type on the forum!! Auto correct makes it seem like one's out in left field!
RE: AM journal - cambooka - Shannon - 03-19-2013
It's not a matter of disrespect for me... it's a matter of getting the results intended. There's always a way to adapt and go around though. If it's causing sleep issues, that means two things: 1. you're doing some hardcore change, and 2. you might want to try using it more during the day instead.
I just want people to get the best from these programs, and especially in the case of those programs that rely on certain specific methods for doing so. The closer you follow the directions, the better.
Looking forward to seeing your continued progress.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - Spiral - 03-25-2013
cambooka, unfortunately I've had countless nights where I wake up in the middle of the night. Just be sure to get to bed earlier.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - cambooka - 03-31-2013
Little update for myself, I'm increasingly irritable lately, and I don't have time for anyone's shit. It's to the point where I can barely talk to some people for more than 3 minutes because I feel like they're just nagging and whining... And it zaps my energy. I literally feel exhausted after some of these conversations, like holy fuck, let me off the damn phone!
I did my regular workout schedule today, and a couple of the guys said I've been more aggressive lately. They also noted that I haven't been positive like normal, and never show up with a smile on my face. This could be many things... Grams is in the hospital, I'm stressed with work, etc... But a couple people that know me well, did also mention that I'm not nessecarily being negative, but not positive either. Noting that I need to enjoy life and they just wanna see me happy. (Kinda caught me off guard really, I didn't notice)
In general, little things are pissing me the fuck off. The slightest bullshit from anyone and I feel like I'm gonna blow my top. I've been wanting to drink more lately too (I haven't been). The urge to flip the fuck out frequently is very strong. When I go lift, I would prefer to gear up and bang pads with someone rather than train.
I wanna fuck more. Jerking off is less attractive altogether... Rather just get pussy. Hunter gatherer is stronger, I've been getting higher quality foods and wanting wild meats more than normal. I don't know if this is my normal diet fluctuation that comes and goes in phases or what. Every woman that has an ass on her I just wanna plow... Getting bad, to the point where I could've just had sex and see an older woman that's so so and has body feature that I really like and BAM... I'm like a tribal hunter sniffing that shit out of a jungle tree. (I don't act on this ((yet haha)), but holy shit the urge is strong)
I need to journal more. Just writing this out and venting my general frustration feels a bit better. That and the captain and coke I just made. ;-) can't be upset on Easter now can ya. But really, it makes it a conscious realization that this is just a feeling, and it's probably temporary. That in itself naturally releives tensions, which I should do more of. Plus I'd like to laugh my ass off a year from now when I re read this.
Adding to that, I feel a general sensation of tension and frustration that just needs to be let out. I really can't put my finger on it, but the second someone starts in with some bullshit in a conversation with me it's like alright I'm out. They're not even being dramatic sometimes, but I feel it's about to happen and just shut down instantly want to get the fuck away from them. I've been working a ton lately, and noticEd any time I'm not spending working, I want it to be fun, relaxing, or somehow enjoyable. Anyone or anything that happens that I sense will prevent that from happening immediately gets me going and I label it "drama." GTFO!
Note to self- try to do these on a computer... Going back to correct auto corrects on an ipad is difficult.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - cambooka - 06-17-2013
Just started stage 5 last night. It's been an interesting set of building block type changes thus far, mostly more of the same noted prior. Very often I'd feel great one day, then two steps back the next.. Almost as though each stage goes through a 3 step cycle: you "get it," then you get knocked down or kicked around the same old problematic sources, and then you come back grounded with everything solidified.
Toward the end of stage 4, the irritableness died down. For a while there it really sucked... People were pissng me off constantly, little things were driving me insane, and any sign of disrespect or inconsiderate behavior would have me wanting to jump over the table and strangle the hell out of someone until they came to their senses. It was worth it though, now that things are starting to settle in, I feel more grounded.
At times I've felt a bit narcissistic. However, I still know deep down I'm a kind hearted man who truly cares for those close to me. Outside of that, nothing comes to those who don't take it - seems to be a common state of mind.
I flat out CANNOT take shit from people at certain stages of this sub. I really feel like I will physically escalate if its not minimized immediately, or if its of the female or family dynamic, I have to leave immediately. If not, applying self control and sticking it out is a headache and instant mental/physical stress. The urge to rectify or move away from the source is very high. Tolerance nice level for catty shit is down to zero.
I'd like to say I'd like to journal about this more, but part of me doesn't feel the need to at times. That and it's more difficult during the irritating times/stages.
All in all, I'm loving this. I listen to this religiously any time I sleep. I'm thinking I'd like to do all stages again, and maybe try some headphones next time. Although now I'm intrigued about other subs and want to try everything.
Edit: reading my earlier entires after writing this one, seems like I'm saying the same things over and over! Lol
RE: AM journal - cambooka - Shannon - 06-17-2013
Stages 5 and 6 are generally much easier. Congrats on some very good results.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - cambooka - 07-01-2013
Question Shannon or members... A BPD (to the best of my knowledge) chick keeps popping back in to my life, and I noticed during earlier stages of AM that I was more resistant to her bullshit. At times, I could care less if she was around, and I actually preferred her not be, as she was a hindrance to my stress levels.
That has subsided and I'm still struggling with this. I've done a bit of research, and most likely the problem is me not her. My best guess is that I'm still somewhat codependant and needy, else I wouldn't put up with her shit or keep letting her back into my life. I was raised by all women, as my father moved to Central America over 20 years ago. Point being, I think that's where it comes from, don't really know.
Are there any subs targeted specifically at codependency, neediness, etc..? I'm half way through stage 5, and my gut feeling is that I did the majority of the "shedding" in the first few stages.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - SexyMofo - 07-01-2013
I only know of doing Alpha again. You could only grow so much for a 6-month run through. Alpha has neediness killer built in it plus a whole a lot more.
RE: AM journal - cambooka - Shannon - 07-02-2013
At the moment, AM is probably your best bet, so a week off after stage 6 and then another run through is probably your best bet. Until I can get to building a codependency killer.