Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame

[mat422]

You are so friggen profound (good choice of words for your realization) that it just blows me away every time I read your stuff! Your self awareness alone, especially for your age is over the top. Have you ever thought about being a writer?

Thanks Patti, I get that a lot from people haha. Honestly though, I think there's a lot about me that I still really don't know. Probably due to me being afraid to open those doors and explore more.

I've never considered being a writer. But I'm always open to new things. I'll definitely keep it in mind. I've always found my ability to write is due to my habits of thinking intently and analyzing. Speaking with people face to face has always been somewhat hard because of this. But when I have the time and there is no pressure I find that I can craft my thoughts a lot better.

I suppose you feel like if people see the monster in your closet they'll start gunning in the other direction or simply disengage with you completely. Same as me.

For me that stems from wanting to not just be liked but to be liked the way I want to be liked however odd that sounds. I went to a person's house the other night and much of the time I felt like I had to play "chameleon" to get by. I admire what you said about AM and feeling like your trying to simply be something different when you actually want to empower your own individuality.

I always felt like I downplayed my natural empathy in order for AM to shine through me. I dunno if thats a good thing or not. Btw if you want AM5 I can send it to you. Your a veteran on the forum and people really do cherish your views. Its more useful to have it being used by someone else than to have it sit on my computer. (I'll make sure to delete it from my computer to stay within rules of the shop/forum like I did when I sent stuff to Spiral)

That hits really close to home. I guess deep down I still have these unresolved feelings that I still need to work out. Getting in touch with those feelings can be hard because I've got a sort of mental block.

It definitely makes sense. I know that feeling of playing the chameleon.

Empathy is a good thing. It's something that can build very strong relationships. But people can take advantage of this and it's very important to balance it out with an ability to stand up for yourself. I think your perceived natural empathy was the kind of empathy where you might have let people take things a little too far. So it might have felt "wrong", but that was only because you've probably lived with it for so long.

Thank you for the offer but I'm pretty sure Shannon is against the sharing of these programs if they were already used by an individual. I'll just keep working on myself and save up for it myself. I also like supporting Shannon because he's a truly dedicated person and he cares. He's deserving of every penny that I give to him.