03-16-2013, 10:26 AM
I changed my mind. I'm gonna continue to use overcome fear guilt and shame. So I'm gonna keep this journal extended. Seeing as how Shannon said alpha 6.0 might be coming out soon, I figured starting alpha now would be a waste of a year. Technology moves fast, and I'm sure 5.0 is leaps and bounds better than 2011 so I'd be better off buying that or just waiting until 6.0 comes out. It's not life or death if I don't run through alpha now anyway. Besides this sub has been doing a pretty good job of pushing me forward and letting me change for the better and I'm not as worried about stuff as I used to be or as much of a perfectionist.
On my days off from this sub I had some realizations that made me feel better. I am where I am right now and I'm working on bettering myself. I'll do my best and do what I need to do. But if things don't work out how I'd like them to or I have small defeats it doesn't negate anything. I think there is still this fear holding me in place. I think it has lowered significantly and I'm free to do more things. But at the same time I know if I improve myself I open myself up to more fear inducing things.
Now that it's been a few weeks since I visited the hypnotherapist I think I have more time to reflect. I think a lot of what I was feeling was this hopefulness and being overly optimistic. And I think there's a tendency to be a little biased for me because I didn't want to say that money was wasted. She definitely was a small stepping stone in my life. But looking back it was clear that fear during my session with her prevented a lot of potential change and I blamed myself considerably for that. Which I shouldn't have. I act like this fear is under my control, but it's not. No matter how hard I believe that I control the fear or can change it on my own through conscious intervention I can't. That's not to say I'm helpless or at the mercy of it, I can certainly push past it when I need to. There's just no point in me beating myself up or blaming myself when it was the hypnotist that was supposed to work to overcome these obstacles, not me. I'm not the expert.
So I do wish my life did a complete 180. But going in I had my doubts and I beat myself up for doubting things too. But doubt isn't a bad thing, if anything it helps me grow more because I realize what works and what doesn't and how to rethink my strategies. I find it hard sometimes trying to communicate with people how I feel. I pretty much feel like I live in a different reality at times. I think before I began my journey with subliminals I was about 3 steps below everyone. Lately I kind of feel like I'm only one step below, I can see how things can start coming together but I'm still not there.
I just needed to ramble on with some of that. I guess I had a little guilt and shame left over from not being able to just flip my life around completely after that hypnosis session. Things get hard for me and it gets difficult seeing others doing things with ease where I struggle. It's not like I want to stay where I am, but at the same time it's just not as easy as everyone thinks to change. Everyone's got their own personal struggles though.
On my days off from this sub I had some realizations that made me feel better. I am where I am right now and I'm working on bettering myself. I'll do my best and do what I need to do. But if things don't work out how I'd like them to or I have small defeats it doesn't negate anything. I think there is still this fear holding me in place. I think it has lowered significantly and I'm free to do more things. But at the same time I know if I improve myself I open myself up to more fear inducing things.
Now that it's been a few weeks since I visited the hypnotherapist I think I have more time to reflect. I think a lot of what I was feeling was this hopefulness and being overly optimistic. And I think there's a tendency to be a little biased for me because I didn't want to say that money was wasted. She definitely was a small stepping stone in my life. But looking back it was clear that fear during my session with her prevented a lot of potential change and I blamed myself considerably for that. Which I shouldn't have. I act like this fear is under my control, but it's not. No matter how hard I believe that I control the fear or can change it on my own through conscious intervention I can't. That's not to say I'm helpless or at the mercy of it, I can certainly push past it when I need to. There's just no point in me beating myself up or blaming myself when it was the hypnotist that was supposed to work to overcome these obstacles, not me. I'm not the expert.
So I do wish my life did a complete 180. But going in I had my doubts and I beat myself up for doubting things too. But doubt isn't a bad thing, if anything it helps me grow more because I realize what works and what doesn't and how to rethink my strategies. I find it hard sometimes trying to communicate with people how I feel. I pretty much feel like I live in a different reality at times. I think before I began my journey with subliminals I was about 3 steps below everyone. Lately I kind of feel like I'm only one step below, I can see how things can start coming together but I'm still not there.
I just needed to ramble on with some of that. I guess I had a little guilt and shame left over from not being able to just flip my life around completely after that hypnosis session. Things get hard for me and it gets difficult seeing others doing things with ease where I struggle. It's not like I want to stay where I am, but at the same time it's just not as easy as everyone thinks to change. Everyone's got their own personal struggles though.
