02-21-2013, 10:37 AM
I really don't get why I do the things I do at times. I've always been a decent writer, but writing is easy. You can pause, think about what you need to say, craft it in a way that sounds good, then get it onto paper. But real life you don't have that luxury of thinking so much. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, but I feel like when I get anxious I try to think too much about what to say instead of just saying it. Almost like censoring myself. I think I'm using my mind wrong if that makes any sense. Fear of not being able to have control over my thoughts or what I say maybe. I don't know it just seems really irrational. It's like I'm constantly watching myself, but in doing so I get in my own way.
I guess this kind of came to me when I was making music the other day. If you think too much or get tense or frustrated nothing will come to you. You have to relax and just go with it. Not everything that I make will come out good. But if I'm too critical of what I make, sometimes I can crush something that had the potential to be good. I just have to get out of my own way and let things develop on their own.
My guess is, again at the root of it all is just fear. Specifically fear of the unknown. My mind wants to plan and calculate and come up with strategies to deal with the fear. I feel like it's been my defense mechanism for years now. And in the past my logic got so good I convinced myself of things that just weren't true. It's only been recently that I've been letting my guard down and being open to the things that I can't control. It's really no wonder I'm stressed a lot of the time, my brain is always going a million miles an hour and gets in the way of everything. Thinking is good, but too much thinking can just get me caught up in mental loops where it doesn't do anything productive.
I guess this kind of came to me when I was making music the other day. If you think too much or get tense or frustrated nothing will come to you. You have to relax and just go with it. Not everything that I make will come out good. But if I'm too critical of what I make, sometimes I can crush something that had the potential to be good. I just have to get out of my own way and let things develop on their own.
My guess is, again at the root of it all is just fear. Specifically fear of the unknown. My mind wants to plan and calculate and come up with strategies to deal with the fear. I feel like it's been my defense mechanism for years now. And in the past my logic got so good I convinced myself of things that just weren't true. It's only been recently that I've been letting my guard down and being open to the things that I can't control. It's really no wonder I'm stressed a lot of the time, my brain is always going a million miles an hour and gets in the way of everything. Thinking is good, but too much thinking can just get me caught up in mental loops where it doesn't do anything productive.
