LionMonkey is a WM 5G

[LionMonkey]

Stage 3 - Day 11,


I've been living here in my new apartment for a week now and I love it! Even though there are only 1 table, 1 sofa and 1 bed, it is 3 minutes by metro and I'm at where all the bars are. Everything is just nearby. I've always wanted that.

Besides learning guitar and working out, lately I've put my focus on being my own validator and being present in the moment. I wrote a pretty great piece about self-actualization few days ago.

- I feel much more sure of myself. There are still some uncertainty in me and I think it will never really go away. It's more about how I handle it.

I realize again and again that you have to TAKE what you want in order to get it. My only dilemma is that I'm not always sure of what I want. Big no-no.
I'm sure one reason could be a contradicting belief I have of not needing things but to a point where I become confused if this is needing or just wanting?
Another one could be that I have to create new habits of taking action whenever the possibility is right in front of me.
Sometimes it's also just me having too superficial standards.

I may just say f*** it and mess things up to see where my balance is. But on the other hand, I feel no need for others to validate me. I'm fine with me and I only do things when I feel it.
For example, today lectures finished, I walk my way to the metro and two from my class was right behind me. I did not look or say anything to them and they walked past me.
From outer perspective it can seem like I am a strange guy but does that really matter? Well.. in the matter of building relationships, it sucks. But if we have a shared striving for something then there's mutual understanding. Maybe they are just insecure, or maybe they are just not cool people. Doesn't really matter. It was an observation from my side. It didn't change a thing in me.

I may just also have become like Eckart Tolle LOL


I wrote a pretty great piece about self-actualization few days ago.

- In a world of chaos, of extreme external stimuli, it has become extremely difficult to maintain the connection with yourself. It is a harsh world and it fucks with you. The world is making you blinder as you grow older and older, and you might even not be aware of it. Most people aren’t. Without the connection with yourself, you are basically controlled by external factors. You look, whether consciously or unconsciously, for something that will make you fulfilled.

That’s all good James but how do I understand it without examples?! I have heard so much of this, ”You are already whole. Do not care what others think. You do not need anything else than you etc.” but I just don’t understand it!

I’m glad you asked!

We are human *BEINGS* and therefor we are meant to just BE. (Don’t get me wrong. The human mind is one of the greatest assets we have. Just not when it comes to meeting women)

When we are BEING we do not let all these small thoughts and negative bullshit affect us and we do things from our deeper self. If you are thinking, “OKAY! I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME” repeatedly, it is forced and it is not coming from BEING but rather thinking.


This is actually very Zen. I’ll give you three random examples:

1. Scenario: (environment)
- You enter a bar/club. There’s loud music, lots of people and so much going on.
What happens to you as you enter? As time goes on? Do you get sucked in? Or do you maintain your sense of your own reality?

2. Scenario: (people)
- You randomly met a girl that you might like. You are having a great time. She’s an attractive girl, the kind of girl that most guys would turn their heads for. You are having a great time together.
What happens to you if she suddenly leaves? Do you feel like, urgh.. now what? Or do you think, “she was fun” and maintaining your own sense of validation?

3. Scenario: (daily life)
- You just got a new job that you wanted. The first day on the job the manager tells you that your job is to wash the dishes. The job article said that you only had to clean up the tables though but you need the money in order to pay your rent.
Do you think what the fuck? Who is he? I wasn’t applying for this crap! Or do you think “ohh well.. I have to pay the bills”?
Or do you think, “alright, let’s get started”?


All in all, it is about acceptance and centeredness. The naturals, the ladies man, the great seducers all have this.

So how do you get this? How do you accept and become centered?

The overview: Become aware of it. Consciously try to maintain your own reality and feel good within yourself. Do not do anything else than consciously be in your own relaxed reality. If you have never done this, it is going to be hard to not let external things affect you.
I’ll give you 2 exercises that can help you with it:

A short exercise: Take a deep breath for 5 seconds. Imagine a beautiful sunrise. Do you stare at it? Do you look for validation from it? No. You appreciate and really enjoy it. You accept it. That’s what is NATURAL! You are centered and you are enjoying the moment. There are NO THOUGHTS in your mind.

Then as you become into the moment, from there you can do whatever you want. The negative bullshit is all gone and you are just enjoying your own company. Whatever happens happens. You are going with the flow.

One of my friends, a good guy, who was having depressions, after have gone out and met women, became scared of going out and meeting women because he put too much expectations on himself and on how the night is going to be. He hasn’t been out socializing for a month now and asked for my advice. I could totally relate because before in time I was having a depression every three months or so myself. I told him about what I have realized, and that’s why I look so calm and in my own world.

Now we had been in the bar for a few hours and my friend hadn’t met any girl who had committed. 5 minutes after he did the exercise, he met a hot girl, who committed, out of nowhere.

In the meanwhile I had a stunning girl and her friend come up to me and said that one of them knew me. They were touchy and giggly. “Ohh! It is his name!” but as I just stayed there and enjoyed my time they suddenly began to say, “Don’t play so cool” and they left the interaction. I thought that what they did was weird but I realize again and again that many girls are just insecure.
Right after a businessman I had met before comes to me and talks about an opportunity, which he thought I might be interested in. The girls were still standing near me but were too afraid to reinitiate.

I can sit still and be very non-social for some time but still have girls respond amazingly open when I decide to speak to them or when they ask me something. Even though my friend is doing all the talk and with him, it is like them versus him but when they speak to me it is like they are little girls. Why?

It is all about the feelings. It is mastery of your mind and your mind controls how you feel (besides motion is emotion). It is a sign of strength if you can handle whatever comes your way when you are YOU. You are not trying, just being. People sense that.

A long-term exercise: Meditation. Use meditation as ground pillars for feeling good within yourself and cleansing your mind. I advice to sit comfortable with back straighten, shoulders back and relaxed, hands on the laps or on each other with the tummies connected like the Buddhist way.
Do it for 15-30 minutes every day and you will live a much more joyful life. Do not force anything but let it be and focus on your breath. Let go. When thoughts arise, notice them and accept them. Do not try to control them. Let them pass by. Then try to focus on your breathing again and eventually you’ll have a clear mind again.

As you become more and more in tune with your deeper sense of self, you begin to really do things for your own sake without hesitation, and you do not compromise yourself because of an environment, a needy guy, a hot girl or whatever.

I will leave you with an extra tip:
When you look for signs of interests, or indicators of interests from a girl, you are essentially looking for approval. It is just a more advanced kind of validation seeking.

You do have to calibrate of course and you can only learn that by experience “Experience will teach you everything”

James