Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame

[mat422]

Balanced skepticism is the royal road to true wisdom. Unbalanced skepticism is the fool's road to blindness.

I try my best to keep my skepticism balanced. One more thing I've come to realize these past few days is how much damage I've done to my own state of being by some self help stuff I internalized over the years.

Particularly this ignorant message about how thinking is the enemy and the barrier to reaching more peaceful states of being. Being mindful of one's own thoughts is a great practice, but I believe there is no state of mind without thinking other than complete death of the brain. Some of these books teach you to not use rational critical thinking by labeling such behavior as unnatural or a fault of mankind. As if we need to take a completely natural process such as thinking and unlearn it in order to achieve some mystical state.

I thought I was living in a more peaceful state of mind or making progress. But I think I was training my brain to operate in a lower state, like a trance like state almost. My mental processes seemed dull and there was a lack of sharpness to my life. I was living in a state of mind where everything seemed unreal or hazy. And when I experienced a lot of anxiety I'd revert to this state because I thought it was relaxing my mind, but it was an escapist behavior that grew and grew until I started get stuck in it more and more.

I have to be incredibly mindful of when I revert to this behavior now. There's a difference between relaxation and slipping into this state. I believe they call it depersonalization in psychology. Due to the levels of anxiety I'm subjected to my mind looks for a way to escape that feeling, but it's an unhealthy behavior I need to change.