10-04-2012, 01:46 PM
So, Stage 2 has been interesting so far.
Woke up day 2 of Stage 2 super insecure and needy and anxious. Then my carefully constructed every day identity reasserted itself after about 45min of being awake and I was fine.
Yesterday I was feeling all super insecure again, and this time it started while I was in school surrounded by people. I kind of noted it, and moved on with my day but it didn't go away. It was as if all of my successes in life were worthless, and hollow. Less impressive somehow than they had been. All I could see were my faults, failings, and weaknesses. Every woman I've ever dated was sub-par. Every fight I ever won was against a unworthy adversary who didn't deserve my aggression, every gain I've ever made pales in comparison to the amount of work I still have to do on myself...and so on.
This journal for instance- I have stuff written down from Stage 1 that I thought I'd share here, but so far the time and motivation to do that has not materialized. (I am not as highly motivated to post things on the internet as I am to get things done for school.)
Well, I'm going to give this stuff space to see how it develops until it's time to kick it's ass out of my head. "Start paying rent/making me money or GTFO." I had a psychiatrist once who was freaked out by my approach to "mental health".
Woke up day 2 of Stage 2 super insecure and needy and anxious. Then my carefully constructed every day identity reasserted itself after about 45min of being awake and I was fine.
Yesterday I was feeling all super insecure again, and this time it started while I was in school surrounded by people. I kind of noted it, and moved on with my day but it didn't go away. It was as if all of my successes in life were worthless, and hollow. Less impressive somehow than they had been. All I could see were my faults, failings, and weaknesses. Every woman I've ever dated was sub-par. Every fight I ever won was against a unworthy adversary who didn't deserve my aggression, every gain I've ever made pales in comparison to the amount of work I still have to do on myself...and so on.
This journal for instance- I have stuff written down from Stage 1 that I thought I'd share here, but so far the time and motivation to do that has not materialized. (I am not as highly motivated to post things on the internet as I am to get things done for school.)
Well, I'm going to give this stuff space to see how it develops until it's time to kick it's ass out of my head. "Start paying rent/making me money or GTFO." I had a psychiatrist once who was freaked out by my approach to "mental health".
