AM7 Log

[NOMAD]

My thoughts around masculinity in that way has balanced out since I was younger. I care less about trying to project some over the top dominant vibe, but instead like the calm, grounded, quiet confidence type vibe.. and it suits who I am much better than when I was trying to force the other way. 

Agreed. The types of men I tend to respect most have those qualities. In my experience, they tend to be stern, but fair. They can alternate from being a hard ass to being outright friendly because they know who they are and how to enforce their boundaries. With that, they're free to be their genuine selves without projecting a false identity. They're very rare men and they come in all shapes in sizes. 

I've noticed that when I tune more into masculinity in the past. Some people i'd just say hi to or stop to talk to I felt less like entertaining it. But then the people I enjoy talking to that's fine.

Though on AM6 I felt fairly antisocial, didn't really give a fuck, wasn't that friendly. I can't say I really liked that vibe. It suits my personality more being the playful kind of guy, but with groundedness and the quiet confidence I mentioned behind it.

With Stage 0, I oscillate between an antisocial and social mood (antisocial is my default). Sometimes, I don't want to be bothered. Sometimes, I feel like being flat out goofy. For example, my cashier from yesterday was a chubby goth girl with a small tattoo on her face, dark lipstick, and a nose ring. She asked about one of the products I was purchasing and asked what if I had plans for the weekend. We bantered for a bit as she scanned my groceries. She had a fun/friendly vibe but she was hesitant to hold eye contact as if she was really sweet inside, but slightly insecure. There was something about her that was very endearing to me. I enjoyed the exchange, not in a flirty way (I wasn't attracted at all), but in a light-hearted/playful way. We were laughing and being silly, while the folks in line behind me all seemed to have scowls on their faces.

I suspect that this will become refined over the AM7 run. I think it's the beginning of the dynamic phenomenon I described above about the ability to be a hardass or to be friendly.

How are you finding your workouts going after being on Stage 0 a bit?

Workouts are better in the sense that I'm more motivated. I'm on reduced calories and I'm doing slow eccentric movements, so I don't see any strength gains. But my mindset before and during the workout is more productive for sure.