Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 8

[faolck]

Basically, I was able to see how a child subconscious would think a mechanism like that is helpful through my adult eyes. However, as an adult I saw how it makes no logical sense to hold on to something like that and it allowed me to let go of my mom on a deeper level. I could feel my brain rewiring the entire time. 


Yeah, I’ve stopped completely. There are some words I anticipate getting stuck on and then when I say them I don’t get stuck anymore. 

I’ve also stopped biting my nails and picking at the skin around them and just feel like a calmer person overall.

But what specifically triggered that change that led you to overcome stuttering?  Was it one thing specifically, or a cumulative of several things?  And if so, what?  If I understand that it will be helpful for me to find more clues to what to do to trigger the same thing with a subliminal.

Going into the ceremony my intention was to heal whatever was making me stutter. Shortly after I took the medicine, it plunged me into a DEEP depression. I started judging the s*it out of everyone there and myself and was being pessimistic about everything. Eventually I was able to turn it around. And then I started thinking about my mom who was there with me. 

I felt like someone was guiding my thoughts. One of my first thoughts was “you think your mom is defenseless but doors open for her anywhere she goes” (which in the moment reminded me of how my mom got up to move away from me and shortly after she was already joking around with the people next to her). Then after that my mind thought “you think you came here to help her but in reality she came here to help you”, “she moved away from you because you wouldn’t have moved away from her”.

Then I got the sense that I’ve been finding comfort in my mom so I wouldn’t have to face the world alone. And stuttering was a way for me to stay my mom’s baby/little kid and not face the world . Seeing that through my adult eyes allowed me to let go of the mechanism and stuttering because obviously it’s not helpful anymore and I can face the world alone.

This story makes me sound like I’m hella dependent on my mom but I’ve been paying for my all my living expenses since I was 21 and I’ve lived in different states or countries from her and I was fine. I didn’t feel like I was dying because we didn’t live under the same roof lol.