07-25-2024, 08:47 PM
Day 165,
Oh no! I'm actually feeling way more emotions than usual.
It's not negative emotions, but it's feelings like compassion, anticipation, a longing for intimacy.
Been away from dating and sex for most of the past year; I'm wondering if this is what it was meant to culminate to.
Have been writing a lot of my book content about self-protection, but I need to make sure that the advice doesn't give the final impression to guard your own heart against all risk.
I've dropped a lot of pre-conceptions that I held at the start of my first draft in April; by draft three (this month) I dropped a lot of it, but not all.
Today, I'm preparing draft #4 and I'll be rewording certain things.
I'm almost starting to get negative consequences from it.
It's funny that my approach "anxiety" is basically back, but it's taken a different form. I used to - even last year - not give any care and just throw myself at the approach, which was probably some form of emotional numbness where I'd bring her too much too fast.
Now that I'm 32 and I have a few gray beard hairs showing, and this new heart-openness feeling, I'd almost be embarrassed to walk up and introduce myself, even to a woman my age, given how exposed I'm feeling; it's almost like my romantic or sexual desires are these fragile things I have to keep hidden.
Oh no! I'm actually feeling way more emotions than usual.
It's not negative emotions, but it's feelings like compassion, anticipation, a longing for intimacy.
Been away from dating and sex for most of the past year; I'm wondering if this is what it was meant to culminate to.
Have been writing a lot of my book content about self-protection, but I need to make sure that the advice doesn't give the final impression to guard your own heart against all risk.
I've dropped a lot of pre-conceptions that I held at the start of my first draft in April; by draft three (this month) I dropped a lot of it, but not all.
Today, I'm preparing draft #4 and I'll be rewording certain things.
I'm almost starting to get negative consequences from it.
It's funny that my approach "anxiety" is basically back, but it's taken a different form. I used to - even last year - not give any care and just throw myself at the approach, which was probably some form of emotional numbness where I'd bring her too much too fast.
Now that I'm 32 and I have a few gray beard hairs showing, and this new heart-openness feeling, I'd almost be embarrassed to walk up and introduce myself, even to a woman my age, given how exposed I'm feeling; it's almost like my romantic or sexual desires are these fragile things I have to keep hidden.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal