Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 8

[Frosted]

I think it’s a combination of factors. Obviously it’s not black and white. The partner you’re with, the specific things you’re being vulnerable with, how much they like you and what they like about you, how committed you both are for the long hall and how mature you both are, how you present the issue.

Some women, maybe even most women, you can’t really be that vulnerable with. I think this is due to a lack of developement and the results of a fucked up system that messes people up. But I think if you’re coming from the right place and you’ve got the right woman then you should be good.

Women want men to be vulnerable, it’s in their romance novels! But that doesn’t mean you should start crying in front of her all the time or something lol. They don’t want a man-child, they want a hunk who has human flaws and who they can connect with on a real level.

If I couldn’t be vulnerable with my partner at all then I would just opt for no long term relationship and only mess around with women my whole life, because without vulnerability there can be no true intimacy.

Disclaimer: haven’t directly tested this stuff, just from my understanding of things. But I’m pretty sure I’m right.

This is a pretty good assessment, IMO.  It doesn't matter what's in a woman's romance novels, those are fantasies, and they don't translate to real life well.  Just like men's fantasies don't.  But the whole point of a relationship is to connect.  Not to have arm candy you periodically inseminate.

True enough. I suppose I was trying to find a more objective example to show Greek and Darkness, even if it wasn’t perfect.

I liked your post above talking about your relationship. It confirmed some things I was thinking and has given me more hope and clarity. 

I’ve followed Owen Cook for awhile, and I believe he’s still one of, if not the best, in the dating industry. I was starting to branch off from his teachings though because I’ve been thinking even though he’s been testing his theories in the “field” for 20 years he still has his biases and worldview that is influencing him. 

The way I understand how he approaches relationships is to “never fall off”. He focuses on dating hot women and accepting that most women, when push comes to shove, will have an RAS (reticular activation system) flip and start to view all the negative qualities in you instead of the positive they had been focusing on before. He does seem to value intimacy but from my understanding it only goes to a mid level and if it goes further he gets burned eventually.

I was thinking that a lot of the stuff he teaches is true, but ultimately I was thinking it’s definitely possible to find someone I can have deep intimacy with. But I also understand that I would have to become a better version of myself to be able to have it and be worthy of the quality of woman who could give it to me and that I would desire. But I had more uncertainty because I didn’t really have any role models or examples until now.