Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 8

[Shannon]

Okay, so this gives us some clues about what the specific issues are.  By stages 4-5-7 of AM7, it's expecting you to be doing the more advanced stuff and expressing it.

If you can help me understand some things, I can guide you to the best option for the next run.  BUT!  Just because it isn't appealing doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.  If that's what you most need to work on, that's what is going to be what those parts of you that don't want to deal with it are least going to want to do.

It's good that on Stage 7, you realized you needed to run through all six stages again. 

Stability on SM3 so far may change as you get further, just like with AM6.  Later stages are more advanced stuff.

What I need to understand better to guide you from here is what would be your blockages.  It is most common when people have blockages with AM/SM that one of the following is true:

• They are raised in a very religious household where the religion is very strict regarding sex, and they're having trouble executing because they still live with their parents, and "being alpha" is going against their belief that they need to obey their parents.
  
• They are raised in a single parent household by a mother with no father and their mother used/uses guilt/shame/fear to control them, and is very much a believer in either feminism or "strong women", while overtly or covertly opposing strong masculinity in males.
  
• They are raised to be afraid of everything so they still need a parent (usually mom) to "save them".
  
• Their upbringing filled them with fear as a result of a fundamentalist religion, and they're terrified of committing some sort of act that will get them eternally punished.
  

Do any of these describe your situation?

It's a combination of different factors. I was raised in a semi-religious environment and currently live with my parents in a separate section of the house due to a peculiar situation involving finances and the area I reside in.

My mother is not a single parent, but she has taken on the alpha role because my father lost his fortune in his previously successful business. She is a very strong woman, though not feministic in nature. She embodies traditional values, cooking for my father and the family. She expects me to meet women who are intelligent, respect men, and can manage a household even if they have careers. She believes women should be financially independent, smart, gentle, strong, and kind simultaneously, which is a common expectation for women in our community.

Feminism here is not prevalent; if it exists, it often stems from fear rather than strength. My father, on the other hand, hardly communicates with me, which is quite uncommon in our culture. He didn't teach me basic aspects of manhood, so I was essentially raised by myself and my mother. Both of my parents used fear, shame, and guilt as parenting tools, which is not unique, as many parents do the same.

In our culture, relying on parents is essential for survival. They remain deeply involved in their children's lives even after marriage or moving out. Maintaining a good relationship with them is crucial because, for example, when renting an apartment, landlords often require parents to sign as the main guarantors. Without guarantors, you would have to buy the apartment or pay the entire year's rent upfront, which is uncommon unless you are wealthy.

Like others, I no longer feel the fear or guilt that was instilled in me as a child, so my parents don't control me. However, I am financially dependent on them due to my current low income. I used to have more money, but I squandered it.

Everything you mentioned is quite common. Currently, I choose to live and work with my parents because I owe money to people. I also work in several other areas to secure a new job and get out of trouble. Although AM6 might push me to live elsewhere, doing so would make it impossible for me to repay my debts and survive, or even afford products like these.

I don't know specifically where you live or what culture you're raised in, but it sounds significantly different from what most people in the United States, Canada or the United Kingdom would experience, but nothing you mention strikes me as being a really big deal for explaining why you're having the challenges you seem to be having.

Can you explain what your resistance response feels like in more depth?  Any particular actions, reactions, responses, urges that come up when you're experiencing it?