03-30-2024, 01:04 PM
In truth my biggest problem was always the way i have repressed emotions, i don't know how or when it began, perhaps something happened and i showed that vulnerable side only to get responses like pity, disrespect, laughing, indifference. Whatever that is the truth is i'm very ashamed of showing my emotions, be it fear, anger or even happiness and excitement eventhough that's very common, after that i got mad at myself for feeling emotions to the point of trying to erase them and giving a damn about others, i already saw people crying as hell be for whatever reason and i just don't care in fact i tend to do the opposite and make them less because that looks ridicule or laugh at people getting mad or trying to ruin the mood. But sometimes i just want to scream whenever i feel pain, most of this is the reason about why i think life is shit, and even if i'm right about that if i believe it based only on represed emotions then it doesn't mean anything, sometimes i want to try something but i just don't seem to care about that either, perhaps at some point i started believing that if nothing goes the way i want then why should i even try, this show off my very low self esteem and why i don't give a damn about life itself, maybe i'm having too many hopes with this i don't even know pretty well why i'm keeping with this if i could just ditch it, maybe i just want to feel better and shit is getting out, before i felt some sadness but now i feel empty.
