Rocks x4a-1000 Journal

[Shannon]

Like I said... disconnect any emotional ties, and make interacting with them a fun social game for yourself to enjoy.  If you can pull that off, then it'll be fun for you, fun for them, and attraction may increase towards you because you're not being desperate and because you're a fun guy.

The key to getting servers to transition to out of work interaction is to build a bond with them while they're working until they are comfortable taking it outside work.  The kind of bond necessary depends on a variety of factors, including her personality, your personality and whether you're involved or not.  I have managed to get a number of servers to transition to outside work, but not all of them are females I'd be interested in going after in any way.  Some are too old, some are not my type, and some are just batchit crazy.  In all cases, I approach them as friends, and sometimes we hang out together at their house (with my girlfriend or not).  Have dinner, go out to restaurants and eat, have them pet sit for me, etc.

In my case, I have a woman and I make no effort to hide that fact.  If I wanted to have sex with a server, I could make it happen, but it's not going to happen because I value my current relationship too much for that.  But the key is to build a rapport, be fun and someone she looks forward to seeing, and don't get awkward, needy, creepy, etc.

You mentioned your mom accompanies you on these outings.  How old are you, and how old are these servers you're interested in?  Having mom around can make things much harder, depending on your age (and theirs).

I agree with what you said. I do joke with them and treat them well. They do the same with me. 

I've just never entertained dating my server at a restaurant till now.

I am 42 and I take my mom to eat with me only sometimes. 

Mom goes with me maybe 3 times a month. The rest of the time it's just me.

The girls ask how mom is when she's not with me.

The servers are twins and they are 21. Morgan is the one I asked to a movie. Maddy is my server sometimes but both girls will come talk to me quite a bit.

Maddy has a boyfriend of 4 years. Morgan mention Her sister has a boyfriend randomly a lot.

Morgan also talks about hanging with her brother a lot. She'll tell me she was shopping etc but is quick to say she was with her brother.

I'm not sure what's in x4a 1000 but since being on it literally make me feel like The Nature boy Ric Flair acted.

Come ride space mountain one time ...

I do know that these twins are wonderful people in general and treating them like humans that I value is about the only way I know to be towards them.

I think I'm on the right track. I've just not been back to the restaurant to eat since Valentine's day but when I did leave after checking out Morgan’s bracelet. I wished them Happy Valentine's day and they said the same...

I think Morgan said I was awesome, then Happy Valentine's day. 

Maybe those details matter?

Sure, gives me a much better idea what's going on.

So if you're 42 and she's 21, there's going to be the age difference to deal with.  I've found ways around it, but society artificially makes it an issue, even though those ages it shouldn't be.  Is that potentially holding you back?  To get past the age difference requires that you have two things going for you: A) the right female, and B) the right attitude.

The right female basically means a female who isn't gung ho stuck on either your age difference or what other people might think of it if she does get together with you.  Those who are stuck on such things... meh, leave them aside.  Waste of time.  Some women love older guys, and seek them out.  Most women aren't really looking for it, but won't turn it down if you have the right qualities to offer.

The right attitude is to be honest about your age and own it, and then give her back all the shit she gives you about it, if there is any.  It helps to be able to (gently) make fun of yourself, but not to the degree that you're putting yourself down.  I had a server in her 20's ask me how old I was (I was 47 at the time) and I responded with a little snark that "you're not old enough to ride this ride, little girl".  That response was carefully calibrated to her personality, because I know this particular woman is not just a shit tester, but a shit shoveler, and she enjoys the playful banter and shit talk.  It's flirting to her, and flirting is fun.  So I give it right back, and by implying that she's in some way not good enough to be with me, it only makes her want to engage more.  She knows I'm taken, and she is too, but it's fun for both of us, and my GF gets a kick out of watching is throw shit talk at each other this way.  You obviously have to tailor your responses to the particular woman. 

But never try to hide your age, and never be ashamed of it.  Own it right off the bat, confidently, and let the chips fall where they may.  It is a little known fact that even if she's not interested, that doesn't mean that will always be the case, and there are ways to get her interested.

But you have to be congruent, and X4A isn't designed to make her think romance.  It's designed to make her wet and ready to go - which may be happening, but you don't know it for any of a number of possible reasons.

To get her to transition from your server to hanging out outside work isn't the easiest thing, but it can be done if you're careful and she's willing. 

I'm going to be removing the rule about not talking about astrology on the forum soon, so I'll say this: it is very helpful to use natal astrology to understand her communication and thinking style as well as her core personality, how she perceives love and what she is looking for in a man.  Indispensable tool that has allowed me to get into relationships with women I could never have hoped to otherwise.  It requires a bit of learning, but it's worth a million times its weight in gold, and as a bonus, most women are fascinated by it, love to talk about themselves, and it makes for a great conversation starter and allows you to know little things you can playfully tease her about in the future to help build rapport and bonding.  It also acts like an "easy" button for knowing how to get her to respond romantically or sexually in a lot of cases by revealing what turns her on and turns her off in those directions.