Let's see... in my case i just admitted that i'm not as genuinely interested in some stuff as i believed, and this is the complicated part since i don't know if i was doing those things because i was feeling empty or i was trying to forget other things like obligations and my own depression. I did came to understand how plentiful my life is so i don't need to crave for more than i do but maybe some of those are product of my defense mechanism like turning away from social interaction (i just hate to deal with people and their drama as well as behaviors i dislike and topics i just don't give a damn, also i cannot put away fear and shame).
On the other hand my depression did get worse the more advanced the program, the self loathing and external loathing increased (i still do that but with a smile), as if everything is doomed to begin with, don't feel like trying new stuff or put some effort into something that might benefit me, feeling lots of hatred and anger (that stopped when starting E6 by the way). When i stopped OGSF v2 after a couple of days my insecurities came back not as strong as before but enough to make me turn back and stay in my home (the obligation part was also involved so it was a mix of hassle and insecurities)
In any case it is difficult for me to know if retreating is caused by trauma, emotional damage, beliefs, getting tired of exploiting myself, overstimulation and those sort of things. For the time being i just feel like not doing anything productive of my life and just rest and enjoy my time, after all i just get to live once.
As i stated before, i'm not feeling miserable but at the same time i just want to rest. Maybe my subconscious is telling me to take it easy since my life was always full of pressure and haste. Taking some time to clear my body and mind from the rot of expectations and obligations. Is also attempting to deal with my childhood trauma since some other part tries to convince me i'm going to die.
Almost forgot to mention that i almost drop masturbation, i just don't feel like doing it that much as before.
On the other hand my depression did get worse the more advanced the program, the self loathing and external loathing increased (i still do that but with a smile), as if everything is doomed to begin with, don't feel like trying new stuff or put some effort into something that might benefit me, feeling lots of hatred and anger (that stopped when starting E6 by the way). When i stopped OGSF v2 after a couple of days my insecurities came back not as strong as before but enough to make me turn back and stay in my home (the obligation part was also involved so it was a mix of hassle and insecurities)
In any case it is difficult for me to know if retreating is caused by trauma, emotional damage, beliefs, getting tired of exploiting myself, overstimulation and those sort of things. For the time being i just feel like not doing anything productive of my life and just rest and enjoy my time, after all i just get to live once.
As i stated before, i'm not feeling miserable but at the same time i just want to rest. Maybe my subconscious is telling me to take it easy since my life was always full of pressure and haste. Taking some time to clear my body and mind from the rot of expectations and obligations. Is also attempting to deal with my childhood trauma since some other part tries to convince me i'm going to die.
Almost forgot to mention that i almost drop masturbation, i just don't feel like doing it that much as before.
