Still going along on this, so far still been doing 7 days on/6 days off 40 minutes a day. Except for today I had the urge to play it for 60 minutes after last night I was thinking "it's strange I haven't got autoconfig".
The day listening, or atleast listening at the instructed volume on my phone seems to be dealing with stuff better. But there are some negatives, like with the night listening I had little desire to play games or look at social media, but with the day listening i've been playing games alot and had more urge to look at social media. Not back to it like I was, but it's increased a little. I don't know why this is. I remember on E2 with day listening I think I lost interest in drinking coffee but had other things that the night listening was doing that I preferred. I was wondering a few days ago if I should do both, like the day listening at the instructed volume then maybe a loop at night how I was doing it before. I'd like it to have the effect of getting the best of both worlds, but i'm thinking it would actually just overwhelm me.
It still continues to be subtle. But I realized a few things I got over. First is taking my shirt off in public (well not like in the supermarket, but at the beach) which I really hated and would refuse to do. I do Qigong on the grass in my yard each day with my shirt off, and I started challenging myself to walk to the letterbox with it off after that, at first even that would bring up fear and i'd hesitate and feel uncomfortable. Now i've got comfortable doing it almost every day.
Then a few times I took it off and walked across to the beach. I managed it a few times, then another time I just couldn't do it because of fear. Well maybe 3-4 weeks ago I went to the beach with a friend and reflexively just thought "I want to take my shirt off" then I did and stood there for a while, then walked across the bridge back to the street and even decided to walk up the street with no shirt on which was a bit more uncomfortable but was okay.
A few weeks later at the beach with another friend I didn't have much of an issue taking it off.
Then last weekend I went to an alternative thing, basically meditation and a swim. I had no problem taking my shirt off, and I even went in the water and talked to a few attractive girls while standing there with my shirt off and I didn't care. These kinds of events I find myself able to talk to girls, but doing it with my shirt off for an extended amount of time is something I wouldn't have done before.
Also I forget if I mentioned I started kickboxing as I have no training partner for combatives now unfortunately. Interestingly the class started the very next week after my training partner quit which seemed like a sign, i'm enjoying it though in some ways it's more complex than expected and will reduce my effectiveness. Other than that i'm enjoying it and one of the goals is to get over the fear of sparring which i've never liked. Probably because I started with taekwondo for years as a teenager and there was no contact and if you made a little contact people would sook alot.
Last week we did some light sparring at the end of the class and I was a little hesitant since the guy I got paired up with my friend said he goes hard sometimes, but it was okay and I did better than expected, and actually enjoyed it and felt good after. Some of my combatives training where I got my friend to put gloves on and i'd cover definately helped, and going light is good as it's still a challenge but i'm not getting smashed, not sure if my body could handle too much going hard. I did a grappling class a few weeks in and it took days to recover so I stopped that for now.
I'm not saying my fear of sparring is totally gone, especially if it's a bit harder. But that was a good step. I remember before I started having physical issues like chronic fatigue and such and was in the best shape i've been in, I went to some kickboxing but I straight out told them "I don't want to spar".
Now I actually want to spar, want to get over the fear of it and I know it's good for my growth both in general and give me a different viewpoint on training different than what i've been doing the last 2 years.
I've also been a bit more social which is good.
Not sure what else other than i'm going through a book that deals with imagining your future self and then going backwards from there, like what would he tell you to do now, what priorities are most important and to pick 3.
Well again 2 of the priorities basically require dealing with money, 1 is money, the other isn't specifically money, but there's alot of fear around it hence using OGSF but also it requires money as i'd have a hard time doing so with how much i'm earning now, then money in general for my future because as time goes on this amount won't be sustainable especially with everything going up.
So again it's brought me back to.. should I do Money Magnet? I've been persisting on OGSF v2 as much as I can, but this is the 3rd time this has come up when exploring my most important goals. Sure now i'm not afraid of taking my shirt off at the beach, and I can do some sparring which are both good, but still in the back of my mind I think i'm hoping to deal with deeper stuff around girls and sex so that I can date again.
Funnily enough connecting to my future self girls aren't even in the top 3 priorities. Really the main thing is getting frustrated at times and wanting sex, though i'd actually prefer a girlfriend and not just casual like I used to do.. she might also distract me from the priorities. I do know that for the 8 months I was with someone 2022/2023 that I didn't have any interest in porn because I was having regular sex.
I'm at around 3 months of listening, not including the month where I fucked it up. I did 2 months before that and now upto around a month after it.
The day listening, or atleast listening at the instructed volume on my phone seems to be dealing with stuff better. But there are some negatives, like with the night listening I had little desire to play games or look at social media, but with the day listening i've been playing games alot and had more urge to look at social media. Not back to it like I was, but it's increased a little. I don't know why this is. I remember on E2 with day listening I think I lost interest in drinking coffee but had other things that the night listening was doing that I preferred. I was wondering a few days ago if I should do both, like the day listening at the instructed volume then maybe a loop at night how I was doing it before. I'd like it to have the effect of getting the best of both worlds, but i'm thinking it would actually just overwhelm me.
It still continues to be subtle. But I realized a few things I got over. First is taking my shirt off in public (well not like in the supermarket, but at the beach) which I really hated and would refuse to do. I do Qigong on the grass in my yard each day with my shirt off, and I started challenging myself to walk to the letterbox with it off after that, at first even that would bring up fear and i'd hesitate and feel uncomfortable. Now i've got comfortable doing it almost every day.
Then a few times I took it off and walked across to the beach. I managed it a few times, then another time I just couldn't do it because of fear. Well maybe 3-4 weeks ago I went to the beach with a friend and reflexively just thought "I want to take my shirt off" then I did and stood there for a while, then walked across the bridge back to the street and even decided to walk up the street with no shirt on which was a bit more uncomfortable but was okay.
A few weeks later at the beach with another friend I didn't have much of an issue taking it off.
Then last weekend I went to an alternative thing, basically meditation and a swim. I had no problem taking my shirt off, and I even went in the water and talked to a few attractive girls while standing there with my shirt off and I didn't care. These kinds of events I find myself able to talk to girls, but doing it with my shirt off for an extended amount of time is something I wouldn't have done before.
Also I forget if I mentioned I started kickboxing as I have no training partner for combatives now unfortunately. Interestingly the class started the very next week after my training partner quit which seemed like a sign, i'm enjoying it though in some ways it's more complex than expected and will reduce my effectiveness. Other than that i'm enjoying it and one of the goals is to get over the fear of sparring which i've never liked. Probably because I started with taekwondo for years as a teenager and there was no contact and if you made a little contact people would sook alot.
Last week we did some light sparring at the end of the class and I was a little hesitant since the guy I got paired up with my friend said he goes hard sometimes, but it was okay and I did better than expected, and actually enjoyed it and felt good after. Some of my combatives training where I got my friend to put gloves on and i'd cover definately helped, and going light is good as it's still a challenge but i'm not getting smashed, not sure if my body could handle too much going hard. I did a grappling class a few weeks in and it took days to recover so I stopped that for now.
I'm not saying my fear of sparring is totally gone, especially if it's a bit harder. But that was a good step. I remember before I started having physical issues like chronic fatigue and such and was in the best shape i've been in, I went to some kickboxing but I straight out told them "I don't want to spar".
Now I actually want to spar, want to get over the fear of it and I know it's good for my growth both in general and give me a different viewpoint on training different than what i've been doing the last 2 years.
I've also been a bit more social which is good.
Not sure what else other than i'm going through a book that deals with imagining your future self and then going backwards from there, like what would he tell you to do now, what priorities are most important and to pick 3.
Well again 2 of the priorities basically require dealing with money, 1 is money, the other isn't specifically money, but there's alot of fear around it hence using OGSF but also it requires money as i'd have a hard time doing so with how much i'm earning now, then money in general for my future because as time goes on this amount won't be sustainable especially with everything going up.
So again it's brought me back to.. should I do Money Magnet? I've been persisting on OGSF v2 as much as I can, but this is the 3rd time this has come up when exploring my most important goals. Sure now i'm not afraid of taking my shirt off at the beach, and I can do some sparring which are both good, but still in the back of my mind I think i'm hoping to deal with deeper stuff around girls and sex so that I can date again.
Funnily enough connecting to my future self girls aren't even in the top 3 priorities. Really the main thing is getting frustrated at times and wanting sex, though i'd actually prefer a girlfriend and not just casual like I used to do.. she might also distract me from the priorities. I do know that for the 8 months I was with someone 2022/2023 that I didn't have any interest in porn because I was having regular sex.
I'm at around 3 months of listening, not including the month where I fucked it up. I did 2 months before that and now upto around a month after it.
