Had some strange things happening, I don't really know how to attribute it to OGSF but somehow I feel it is. One of them i'm pretty sure I can identify the value of it.
My ps4 won't turn on, and I use it for videos like workouts, martial arts training as it's a better media player than most other things.
Last week I decided to deactivate facebook, and delete telegram.. then the next day my phone screen died and wouldn't turn on anymore. I was annoyed but I started to notice after a few days I was more clear headed, I wanted to go out into the world more and it was like instead of wasting time on social media bullshit that was more 'energy' to go and do other things instead of dampen down whatever feelings were coming up with time wasting bullshit, and instead going and doing stuff.
Interestingly I even had no desire to play games. I think my phone dying was giving me a preview of how I am without all of that stuff which has bogged me down for years. I got a new one today and got a sore head and eyes being on it to set it up and felt shit.
Though that's not the only reason. For a whole week every day I was getting all these desires to look at porn, I kept listening to OGSF and the desire would get manageable. I also noticed that the usual being triggered with intensity by frustration and fear around girls was less intense and could be dealt with better. That's usually the thing that sends me to porn.
I think I know what triggered it, I went out for a day with some friends and after the first activity 3 of us ended up at a live music venue. I was pretty much fucking frozen and quiet, not even talking much to my friends, and seeing all these girls, including a big group on a hen's party i'm assuming just felt dehabilitated.
Then the next day went to a small gathering and was very comfortable and felt good. Usually i'll do 1 thing on the weekend and not 2 days in a row but the urge was coming up more without all the things numbing me out that I mentioned.
Later that day the urge come back strongly to look at porn, listening to OGSF didn't help and I went on a binge. Felt not too bad for 2 days but today felt fairly shit, not able to focus, even reactivated facebook to look at random shit, and played games a little.. it's like the dopamine hit sent me back to all of those things. Been hard to focus or think most of today.
It was almost like a preview of what a dopamine detox does. Interestingly the thought of doing the social pressure exercises started to actually become exciting, going places and seeing people seemed more interesting.. now today I struggled to briefly do one exercise and just felt like "I can't be bothered".
So obviously fear is at the core of this not fully engaging, but this also showed me that these little dopamine hit addictions are the way of stuffing that down and making me just feel like "I can't be bothered" because in that nearly week or so I felt much more like going and doing stuff and more clear headed.
Plus the social media stuff is very fear based, triggers drama type emotions that get you addicted to it and wanting to argue uselessly and I definately have realized how much it attributes to fear.
So I had a little preview of things opening up more then crashed it with fucking porn.. again.
My ps4 won't turn on, and I use it for videos like workouts, martial arts training as it's a better media player than most other things.
Last week I decided to deactivate facebook, and delete telegram.. then the next day my phone screen died and wouldn't turn on anymore. I was annoyed but I started to notice after a few days I was more clear headed, I wanted to go out into the world more and it was like instead of wasting time on social media bullshit that was more 'energy' to go and do other things instead of dampen down whatever feelings were coming up with time wasting bullshit, and instead going and doing stuff.
Interestingly I even had no desire to play games. I think my phone dying was giving me a preview of how I am without all of that stuff which has bogged me down for years. I got a new one today and got a sore head and eyes being on it to set it up and felt shit.
Though that's not the only reason. For a whole week every day I was getting all these desires to look at porn, I kept listening to OGSF and the desire would get manageable. I also noticed that the usual being triggered with intensity by frustration and fear around girls was less intense and could be dealt with better. That's usually the thing that sends me to porn.
I think I know what triggered it, I went out for a day with some friends and after the first activity 3 of us ended up at a live music venue. I was pretty much fucking frozen and quiet, not even talking much to my friends, and seeing all these girls, including a big group on a hen's party i'm assuming just felt dehabilitated.
Then the next day went to a small gathering and was very comfortable and felt good. Usually i'll do 1 thing on the weekend and not 2 days in a row but the urge was coming up more without all the things numbing me out that I mentioned.
Later that day the urge come back strongly to look at porn, listening to OGSF didn't help and I went on a binge. Felt not too bad for 2 days but today felt fairly shit, not able to focus, even reactivated facebook to look at random shit, and played games a little.. it's like the dopamine hit sent me back to all of those things. Been hard to focus or think most of today.
It was almost like a preview of what a dopamine detox does. Interestingly the thought of doing the social pressure exercises started to actually become exciting, going places and seeing people seemed more interesting.. now today I struggled to briefly do one exercise and just felt like "I can't be bothered".
So obviously fear is at the core of this not fully engaging, but this also showed me that these little dopamine hit addictions are the way of stuffing that down and making me just feel like "I can't be bothered" because in that nearly week or so I felt much more like going and doing stuff and more clear headed.
Plus the social media stuff is very fear based, triggers drama type emotions that get you addicted to it and wanting to argue uselessly and I definately have realized how much it attributes to fear.
So I had a little preview of things opening up more then crashed it with fucking porn.. again.
