09-21-2023, 11:27 PM
Interestingly I have to make myself sit here and type this up, when I was feeling low I wanted to post but now feeling a bit better and I have little desire to. I had the thought earlier that after 2 nights v2 is helping get me out of that 'hole' I was in.
Observations of night 1 -
When I laid down my body shook a little, suddenly I thought "wow i've been stuck in fight and flight" which when you're used to it you don't notice. And it was sbtly coming down, it also felt like it was originating from my groin. That's understandable for reasons I won't go into.
I started thinking about past girls, almost like I was pining for them. I can't explain it, but the way v2 brings up stuff on the 2 nights i've done so far is of a different quality. My first impression is it seems it's going deeper but at the same time it's dealing with it easier, like it doesn't seem as high intensity when stuff comes up, it just seems to relax. It may be too early to say, but that's what i'm thinking so far. It's also different in other ways to any past program that is hard to explain.
My dreams were obviously affected, but I can't remember. Same as the 2nd night.
Actually one was that I was getting ready for a snow trip adventure, someone was helping me back. I was trying to get some different teabags and was getting stressed he didn't have any. Maybe perfectionism, and the snow trip adventure could be symbolic with fear stopping me going and doing certain things.
I woke up with a strong sex drive coming up, more than in a long time. It makes sense fear and trauma could be suppressing that, but it could also be something else I was doing and fear was stopping that from working fully aswell.
I laid in bed in the morning getting really relaxed and peaceful, similar to past programs.
Also when I pressed play and went to bed I felt kind of like a gentle massage on different parts of my body, like it was helping those parts relax. Felt good.
After 2nd night -
Woke up annoyed I deleted Starfield, got up and started downloading it again. And was feeling a bit lightheaded and weird. A few hours I stopped it downloading and felt better.
Also I was thinking about going to a friends birthday and really wasn't feeling like it all week. Turns out is was some kind of fear, and likely baggage building up from the porn and games bs. Because suddenly something relaxed and I felt like going, I messaged her and i'm looking forward to it. Whereas all week I didn't reply to her and I was like "ahh I don't know if I want to go". So as I said I only just realized how I left myself in that kind of state from stopping V1 in the middle of it doing something and it only become apparent over time, and I also realized more of what it was doing.
Also after going down the street I was thinking about some kind of thing i've built up over time, like i'd see someone I kind of know, only certain people and alot of the time be like "I hope they don't talk to me" or "I can't be fucked talking to them". Not always, and today I seen a guy I used to work with who I had that feeling about when i've seen him a few times and it seems this stops them even really noticing me or closes me off and stops them saying anything. Cos the other few times he acted like he didn't know me, even when I said how's it going he seemed surprised. Today he said hi to me in a different way.
I like the idea of V2 (I did notice some of this in V1) lessening these blockages from connecting with people more.
Observations of night 1 -
When I laid down my body shook a little, suddenly I thought "wow i've been stuck in fight and flight" which when you're used to it you don't notice. And it was sbtly coming down, it also felt like it was originating from my groin. That's understandable for reasons I won't go into.
I started thinking about past girls, almost like I was pining for them. I can't explain it, but the way v2 brings up stuff on the 2 nights i've done so far is of a different quality. My first impression is it seems it's going deeper but at the same time it's dealing with it easier, like it doesn't seem as high intensity when stuff comes up, it just seems to relax. It may be too early to say, but that's what i'm thinking so far. It's also different in other ways to any past program that is hard to explain.
My dreams were obviously affected, but I can't remember. Same as the 2nd night.
Actually one was that I was getting ready for a snow trip adventure, someone was helping me back. I was trying to get some different teabags and was getting stressed he didn't have any. Maybe perfectionism, and the snow trip adventure could be symbolic with fear stopping me going and doing certain things.
I woke up with a strong sex drive coming up, more than in a long time. It makes sense fear and trauma could be suppressing that, but it could also be something else I was doing and fear was stopping that from working fully aswell.
I laid in bed in the morning getting really relaxed and peaceful, similar to past programs.
Also when I pressed play and went to bed I felt kind of like a gentle massage on different parts of my body, like it was helping those parts relax. Felt good.
After 2nd night -
Woke up annoyed I deleted Starfield, got up and started downloading it again. And was feeling a bit lightheaded and weird. A few hours I stopped it downloading and felt better.
Also I was thinking about going to a friends birthday and really wasn't feeling like it all week. Turns out is was some kind of fear, and likely baggage building up from the porn and games bs. Because suddenly something relaxed and I felt like going, I messaged her and i'm looking forward to it. Whereas all week I didn't reply to her and I was like "ahh I don't know if I want to go". So as I said I only just realized how I left myself in that kind of state from stopping V1 in the middle of it doing something and it only become apparent over time, and I also realized more of what it was doing.
Also after going down the street I was thinking about some kind of thing i've built up over time, like i'd see someone I kind of know, only certain people and alot of the time be like "I hope they don't talk to me" or "I can't be fucked talking to them". Not always, and today I seen a guy I used to work with who I had that feeling about when i've seen him a few times and it seems this stops them even really noticing me or closes me off and stops them saying anything. Cos the other few times he acted like he didn't know me, even when I said how's it going he seemed surprised. Today he said hi to me in a different way.
I like the idea of V2 (I did notice some of this in V1) lessening these blockages from connecting with people more.
