Been some deep inner work going on the last few days I've realised the last few days that all my self worth and self esteem is tied to how other people feel about me and that deep down inside there is a part of me that feels deeply unlovable. This to me isn't any new information but for the first time ever I'm able to see it clearly and really connect into it and feel for that part of me that had no love growing up as a child and in a way it seems like I'm starting to be able to give that to myself. This for me is huge it ties into the way I interact with everyone and especially how I am in romantic relationships and is the direct cause of my limerance.
Around limerance (and I mean the true obsessive kind here). The girl I fell limerant for 2 years ago and was in some sort of situationship type thing with for 6 months came back into town and ended up at a farewell party at my place. This 3 weeks ago would have been unimaginable for me and would have sent me into a tailspin for months to come but this time while I did drink to deal with it was able to work through it quite differently than I would have in the past and most of the obsession that is limerance seems to be gone. I suspect as my self esteem improves and that part of me that feels unlovable continues to heal this will just get better and better.
External results wise. Still continue to notice guys especially really coming to me for advice and showing a lot more respect it's bizzare and not really tied to it like I used to so who knows. Also getting less of a desire to drink now days and also my mind is starting to wonder why I watch porn as well and its starting to focus more and more on my goals and who I want to be rather than what other people think of me, I'm generally feeling more positive about the future than I think I ever have been as well. It's a weird spot to be in as so much of my focus is changing now and I have no clue where I'm going to end up but it's all in a good way, family have also been commenting that I seem a lot chirpier than usual.
Around listening my mind keeps going towards 2-3 days off rather than 6 (6 just feels far to long and almost like I will lose a lot if I keep that) so for this round going to follow where my mind goes with this.
Edit: Also very glad I changed to this sub and hoping by the end of it there is a new version of something to do with women and primarily relationship (I at the moment have very little desire for random sex but that may change) as I feel I may be finally ready for it after this six months. One other thing I really like is how centered and at peace I feel about 30 minutes into listening no matter what my day has thrown at me or how anxious I have felt, quite often this effect lasts for a few hours afterwards as well. Is the idea that longer term this effect becomes permanent?
Around limerance (and I mean the true obsessive kind here). The girl I fell limerant for 2 years ago and was in some sort of situationship type thing with for 6 months came back into town and ended up at a farewell party at my place. This 3 weeks ago would have been unimaginable for me and would have sent me into a tailspin for months to come but this time while I did drink to deal with it was able to work through it quite differently than I would have in the past and most of the obsession that is limerance seems to be gone. I suspect as my self esteem improves and that part of me that feels unlovable continues to heal this will just get better and better.
External results wise. Still continue to notice guys especially really coming to me for advice and showing a lot more respect it's bizzare and not really tied to it like I used to so who knows. Also getting less of a desire to drink now days and also my mind is starting to wonder why I watch porn as well and its starting to focus more and more on my goals and who I want to be rather than what other people think of me, I'm generally feeling more positive about the future than I think I ever have been as well. It's a weird spot to be in as so much of my focus is changing now and I have no clue where I'm going to end up but it's all in a good way, family have also been commenting that I seem a lot chirpier than usual.
Around listening my mind keeps going towards 2-3 days off rather than 6 (6 just feels far to long and almost like I will lose a lot if I keep that) so for this round going to follow where my mind goes with this.
Edit: Also very glad I changed to this sub and hoping by the end of it there is a new version of something to do with women and primarily relationship (I at the moment have very little desire for random sex but that may change) as I feel I may be finally ready for it after this six months. One other thing I really like is how centered and at peace I feel about 30 minutes into listening no matter what my day has thrown at me or how anxious I have felt, quite often this effect lasts for a few hours afterwards as well. Is the idea that longer term this effect becomes permanent?
The only person in life that can ever hold you back is yourself. So get out of your own way and start living the life you always dreamed of
