09-04-2023, 06:44 AM
Well, thought I would update on things along with some personal things have happened.
While at work on my last night of the week before having 2 nights off something did happen during my meal break. I usually rest in the car during my break. I noticed as soon as I had my head on my hands and laying in the back seat that something just happened where I had some kind of breakthrough. Essentially I had mentioned my mind was trying to find some way to reach the goals. I don't know why but all of a sudden when I wasn't distracted its like my mind just came up with the idea that I just need to find what is holding me back and distance myself from said pain or negative beliefs that were keeping me from the end goal. I knew on some level I had to do this but I guess I really needed to have it in conscious awareness. I even had this tested in a way when I think later on I was going through photos and even some of those photos were with women where things didn't end too well. This time however I didn't really feel anything. Its like my mind just said "well, sometimes things just don't end up the way you expect them to" and that was it. No fear in seeing the pictures and not real negative feelings. They are just pictures and that's it.
In other news I did have something else I was made aware of as far as potential living situations. Turns out the company I am working for is trying to expand into Austin, Texas. They want people to arrive there before October 2, 2023. If people sign up to do that they will get a 20k USD incentive bonus. Now your normal pay will be readjusted due to the lower standard of living in Texas compared to California but you will get 5k on the paycheck before October 2nd, 7,500k on the paycheck after you move there and the last 7,500k one year after being there. However despite how good this sounded initially I think I will still go with working in China. Less stressful job overall, less stressful environment, only working at most 20 hours a week, and higher paycheck with free accommodation. I also just realize American culture just doesn't mess with me at all. I noticed when I was in China I just was more calm, relaxed, and I connected with people better. People were more friendly, polite and had manners. People went out of their way to help me if they could. Also, the economy overall is just better. I also realize if I end up doing a new version of MLS eventually then from a career stand point I might spend those years while I finishing my degree also learning Mandarin again which would be good in the long term. China is set to be the largest economy (overtaking the US) by around 2028 or so. So knowing both English and Mandarin would be very beneficial I think. So though still not set in stone it probably will still be I will be working in China until even my masters degree in AI is complete.
Now this leads to one other issue which also motivates me to leave the country. Basically I might have mentioned months ago that my mother seems to be slowly losing her marbles but also one other thing. I notice she is slowly trying to make me pay for everything (not half or a portion, every part of every bill). I'm not an idiot, this is the part where your parent tries to make you pay everything while they do nothing but maybe go to their job every once in a while and use all their income on nonsense. yeah, I'm not going to be used like this. As far as I'm concerned (and some might remember based on stories from my other thread) she had the best time to buy a hours several years ago when she had a lump sum of 90k USD. Instead of doing the smart thing by moving to another state and using part of that money as a down-payment she stayed where she was and wasted all that money within 8 months. This included helping with people's university that were actively lying to her when she should have just told them to either work, take out loans, or go into the coast guard. So I have no sympathies and don't plan on taking care of my parent like a parent when they literally wasted every opportunity to improve their life. I hadn't mention before but she had the chance to go back to school while my step father took care of everything but gave up after 1 semester. What did she do afterwards? Literally just stayed at home doing nothing for years (while constantly complaining) until my step father died and then she was in big trouble. So yeah, more motivate to just leave because this is not the environment or person to be around while your trying to deal with your issues.
So in the end I think things will work out. Just got to stick with this sub and my plans and within 2 years I should be set and not have to worry about anything much anymore.
While at work on my last night of the week before having 2 nights off something did happen during my meal break. I usually rest in the car during my break. I noticed as soon as I had my head on my hands and laying in the back seat that something just happened where I had some kind of breakthrough. Essentially I had mentioned my mind was trying to find some way to reach the goals. I don't know why but all of a sudden when I wasn't distracted its like my mind just came up with the idea that I just need to find what is holding me back and distance myself from said pain or negative beliefs that were keeping me from the end goal. I knew on some level I had to do this but I guess I really needed to have it in conscious awareness. I even had this tested in a way when I think later on I was going through photos and even some of those photos were with women where things didn't end too well. This time however I didn't really feel anything. Its like my mind just said "well, sometimes things just don't end up the way you expect them to" and that was it. No fear in seeing the pictures and not real negative feelings. They are just pictures and that's it.
In other news I did have something else I was made aware of as far as potential living situations. Turns out the company I am working for is trying to expand into Austin, Texas. They want people to arrive there before October 2, 2023. If people sign up to do that they will get a 20k USD incentive bonus. Now your normal pay will be readjusted due to the lower standard of living in Texas compared to California but you will get 5k on the paycheck before October 2nd, 7,500k on the paycheck after you move there and the last 7,500k one year after being there. However despite how good this sounded initially I think I will still go with working in China. Less stressful job overall, less stressful environment, only working at most 20 hours a week, and higher paycheck with free accommodation. I also just realize American culture just doesn't mess with me at all. I noticed when I was in China I just was more calm, relaxed, and I connected with people better. People were more friendly, polite and had manners. People went out of their way to help me if they could. Also, the economy overall is just better. I also realize if I end up doing a new version of MLS eventually then from a career stand point I might spend those years while I finishing my degree also learning Mandarin again which would be good in the long term. China is set to be the largest economy (overtaking the US) by around 2028 or so. So knowing both English and Mandarin would be very beneficial I think. So though still not set in stone it probably will still be I will be working in China until even my masters degree in AI is complete.
Now this leads to one other issue which also motivates me to leave the country. Basically I might have mentioned months ago that my mother seems to be slowly losing her marbles but also one other thing. I notice she is slowly trying to make me pay for everything (not half or a portion, every part of every bill). I'm not an idiot, this is the part where your parent tries to make you pay everything while they do nothing but maybe go to their job every once in a while and use all their income on nonsense. yeah, I'm not going to be used like this. As far as I'm concerned (and some might remember based on stories from my other thread) she had the best time to buy a hours several years ago when she had a lump sum of 90k USD. Instead of doing the smart thing by moving to another state and using part of that money as a down-payment she stayed where she was and wasted all that money within 8 months. This included helping with people's university that were actively lying to her when she should have just told them to either work, take out loans, or go into the coast guard. So I have no sympathies and don't plan on taking care of my parent like a parent when they literally wasted every opportunity to improve their life. I hadn't mention before but she had the chance to go back to school while my step father took care of everything but gave up after 1 semester. What did she do afterwards? Literally just stayed at home doing nothing for years (while constantly complaining) until my step father died and then she was in big trouble. So yeah, more motivate to just leave because this is not the environment or person to be around while your trying to deal with your issues.
So in the end I think things will work out. Just got to stick with this sub and my plans and within 2 years I should be set and not have to worry about anything much anymore.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche