Day 161,
I feel a bit deconstructed. Unwound. My productivity is still okay, but I'm still in that non-resistance mode of being / feeling.
Work has slowed down enough to where I can consider what I'm doing with my life and spare time.
I think that I built an identity over the years of being this overachieving hyperintellectual, but I figure that I'm not as smart as I assume myself to be.
In politics, I'm often leaning on others on my 'side' to make my arguments to me.
I'm not as charismatic or assertive as I once thought. A lot of it is fantasy playing out in my head.
Not really stepped up to be 'that guy'', though I hold that identity most of the time.
I'm not really kicking ass at Jiu Jitsu or martial arts in general; in fact, I'm lower than middle of the pack.
Learning my limitations to some extent; some of these recent limitations are a matter of psychology at this point.
Just been tired of life not happening in front of me; any time I've had excitement, I've had to seek it out deliberately, which is pretty lame.
I feel a bit deconstructed. Unwound. My productivity is still okay, but I'm still in that non-resistance mode of being / feeling.
Work has slowed down enough to where I can consider what I'm doing with my life and spare time.
I think that I built an identity over the years of being this overachieving hyperintellectual, but I figure that I'm not as smart as I assume myself to be.
In politics, I'm often leaning on others on my 'side' to make my arguments to me.
I'm not as charismatic or assertive as I once thought. A lot of it is fantasy playing out in my head.
Not really stepped up to be 'that guy'', though I hold that identity most of the time.
I'm not really kicking ass at Jiu Jitsu or martial arts in general; in fact, I'm lower than middle of the pack.
Learning my limitations to some extent; some of these recent limitations are a matter of psychology at this point.
Just been tired of life not happening in front of me; any time I've had excitement, I've had to seek it out deliberately, which is pretty lame.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
