07-04-2023, 12:29 PM
June 21st
Lost control of my daily routine, my purpose. I won't call what is going on a state of confusion. I will call it "emptiness'. Wake up, do some daily ritual, some basic obligations, eat, watch TV, bore to death and wait for time to sleep. I still catch myself stopping me from anything which will be a waste of time but at the end whatever I do is a waste of time. I have some thoughts of studying and acquiring some new skills. Even though I do very small steps like 30-40 mins of study per day is very minimal in comparison to the time and energy I have. What stops me is procrastination and some kind of thought blockage in the mind.
Eating habits and cravings are better since I stopped that vitality-energy practice but still not controlled/ideal.
June 22nd
One day I want to thrive, the other I am bored of life and don't know what I am doing with everything.
June 23th
I want to mention that I am being even more honest with myself. At the beginning of my journey with Maverick, during the second week, I recorded that my ego took a hit and I was being more honest of who I am and who I am not. Back then I remember when the truth about different things about myself was revealed, it was a bit hard to learn about them. At this phase even more are revealed but I accept them easier.
June 25th
I find myself wanting to evaluate everything I do in terms of what it offers me in life long term. And when I say everything I mean whatever I study, work on or spend time on or interactions with others.
June 28th
I can't be sure about this but I believe Maverick is making me frustrated on some matters in my life that I need to take care of.
June 29th
The last few days I find myself in an increased level of anxiety, worry and I feel frozen up in terms of can't/won't do anything, think of anything. I believe this is some kind of fear. I feel paralyzed. I procrastinate and I spend my time and energy on distractions, watching movies and playing video games. I am even thinking of starting baking desserts ffs ahaha.
July 3rd
Today was the last day of 1 whole loop. I feel happy its going to be just half loop from now. For some reason I feel that this (1 loop) was too much. I think my brain needs some space to breath and put things in order, prioritize, analyze, whatever it does anyway.
Also, lately, I think I lost my ability to understand and report of what Maverick is doing exactly. Because it is doing so much..., too much..., on so many different areas. This might be the reason of several others are spacing out their journaling posts as well. Imagine building a new city and working on all kind of different projects like stadiums, authority offices, residential areas, schools, hospitals transportation system, and so on... all at once. That's what it seems Maverick is doing for me. Working on so many aspects, all at once and at some point it will start "releasing finished projects" one after another.
Lost control of my daily routine, my purpose. I won't call what is going on a state of confusion. I will call it "emptiness'. Wake up, do some daily ritual, some basic obligations, eat, watch TV, bore to death and wait for time to sleep. I still catch myself stopping me from anything which will be a waste of time but at the end whatever I do is a waste of time. I have some thoughts of studying and acquiring some new skills. Even though I do very small steps like 30-40 mins of study per day is very minimal in comparison to the time and energy I have. What stops me is procrastination and some kind of thought blockage in the mind.
Eating habits and cravings are better since I stopped that vitality-energy practice but still not controlled/ideal.
June 22nd
One day I want to thrive, the other I am bored of life and don't know what I am doing with everything.
June 23th
I want to mention that I am being even more honest with myself. At the beginning of my journey with Maverick, during the second week, I recorded that my ego took a hit and I was being more honest of who I am and who I am not. Back then I remember when the truth about different things about myself was revealed, it was a bit hard to learn about them. At this phase even more are revealed but I accept them easier.
June 25th
I find myself wanting to evaluate everything I do in terms of what it offers me in life long term. And when I say everything I mean whatever I study, work on or spend time on or interactions with others.
June 28th
I can't be sure about this but I believe Maverick is making me frustrated on some matters in my life that I need to take care of.
June 29th
The last few days I find myself in an increased level of anxiety, worry and I feel frozen up in terms of can't/won't do anything, think of anything. I believe this is some kind of fear. I feel paralyzed. I procrastinate and I spend my time and energy on distractions, watching movies and playing video games. I am even thinking of starting baking desserts ffs ahaha.
July 3rd
Today was the last day of 1 whole loop. I feel happy its going to be just half loop from now. For some reason I feel that this (1 loop) was too much. I think my brain needs some space to breath and put things in order, prioritize, analyze, whatever it does anyway.
Also, lately, I think I lost my ability to understand and report of what Maverick is doing exactly. Because it is doing so much..., too much..., on so many different areas. This might be the reason of several others are spacing out their journaling posts as well. Imagine building a new city and working on all kind of different projects like stadiums, authority offices, residential areas, schools, hospitals transportation system, and so on... all at once. That's what it seems Maverick is doing for me. Working on so many aspects, all at once and at some point it will start "releasing finished projects" one after another.
