June 10th
Lately I have been finding it difficult to keep track of what is going on. Things are happening, I notice my behavior on some matters is different but I don't have the a reference to express exactly what is happening. Just the general theme: I recognize them as some kind of alpha male or other qualities being expressed and the one thing that makes it easy to understand what this program does in its original description: I do my own thing, I am in my own world. As I don't want to be obsessed with it I don't investigate.
I liked what Duke posted about month four about chasing stuff and on fourth month you don't chase any more, things come to you. This will greatly benefit my current behavior. I'm only early on second month now.
June 11th
I am experiencing cravings, wanting to listen more. To experience more.
I always find excuses for not executing my very good business ideas. Excuses like I don't have sales or marketing skills to follow through. At last I find myself wanting to stop with excuses and throw myself on any course of getting these skills just to get started. There are business ideas I shared in the past with individuals who followed through and made careers out of them.
June 12th
I am very frustrated at my past self. About my choices. I see how I am having hard time because of them and I am thinking about ways to undo them somehow. One thing is certain. I don't want to make the same naïve decisions again. And I find myself thinking what can I do to avoid such in the future. I am thinking of how to be conscious each time and not make naïve decisions beforehand.
In terms of the decision making frustration I decided to make a decision making protocol I will be following. Even though I said I will not intervene with what Maverick is doing I find this situation really important. I will intervene in the way that I will do something supplementary. If Maverick stirs in another direction I'll just go with that.
June 15th
The last few days I have been away from home, out of my comfort zone and had no conveniences ( not because of maverick). I was kept very busy but today I could stay at one place and catch my breath. I had an amazing dream last night with Maverick looking for a solution for one of my justified fears about protecting myself. The solutions were correct but surpass limits I can't go into right now (even some were a bit extreme, border line legal). Now that I am more relaxed I find myself in some frustration and deep thinking about things which I need to change but I don't know how. Even though I don't feel good about this I am grateful that at least Maverick keeps me on my toes and does not keep me in the dark. I prefer the harsh truth and awareness. I have been burnt a lot of times when I didn't have enough awareness and didn't known the truth. And last point is that I am more inclined now to say that it is not maverick that does this or that but I do. I feel more integration of the program as me doing things rather than them being externally triggered by the program.
June 16th
I have a really hard time controlling the sexual energy I have been getting through Maverick and the Taoism vitality practice I have started doing lately. My energy, vitality, and healing is great but I have very strong non-stop sexual urges. I read about a practice of calming down this energy and I am currently working on it. Most probably I am supposed to use/drive this energy in other areas like a business or sports but I don't know how to do this for now. No exercising allowed by my doctor and no business idea on the horizon.
June 17th
I have put on some serious weight the last three weeks. Not sure how much exactly but it could be 4-5 pounds. It is from emotional eating and I am not sure why this is happening. I feel guilty and ashamed about putting on this weight and I am wondering what caused it and how this got out of my hands so fast and so easily. It's like I am eating because I am missing something in my life or something doesn't work and I use eating as safety. It could be because of my uncertain financial situation.
Update:
So I have been studying various systems and resources to figure out how to control this energy I have now. And while watching a video, the prestigious, successful Master (I won't mention the name as it might be breaking a forum rule) said that if you don't spend the energy you collect, it is stored as fat on the body and you put on weight. Well, this might be what is going on with me. I started the second practice I do for vitality exactly three weeks ago, when I also started eating more and putting on weight. So if that's it I have to either stop doing the practice (and do only when needed) or need to figure out how to spend this energy.
Lately I have been finding it difficult to keep track of what is going on. Things are happening, I notice my behavior on some matters is different but I don't have the a reference to express exactly what is happening. Just the general theme: I recognize them as some kind of alpha male or other qualities being expressed and the one thing that makes it easy to understand what this program does in its original description: I do my own thing, I am in my own world. As I don't want to be obsessed with it I don't investigate.
I liked what Duke posted about month four about chasing stuff and on fourth month you don't chase any more, things come to you. This will greatly benefit my current behavior. I'm only early on second month now.
June 11th
I am experiencing cravings, wanting to listen more. To experience more.
I always find excuses for not executing my very good business ideas. Excuses like I don't have sales or marketing skills to follow through. At last I find myself wanting to stop with excuses and throw myself on any course of getting these skills just to get started. There are business ideas I shared in the past with individuals who followed through and made careers out of them.
June 12th
I am very frustrated at my past self. About my choices. I see how I am having hard time because of them and I am thinking about ways to undo them somehow. One thing is certain. I don't want to make the same naïve decisions again. And I find myself thinking what can I do to avoid such in the future. I am thinking of how to be conscious each time and not make naïve decisions beforehand.
In terms of the decision making frustration I decided to make a decision making protocol I will be following. Even though I said I will not intervene with what Maverick is doing I find this situation really important. I will intervene in the way that I will do something supplementary. If Maverick stirs in another direction I'll just go with that.
June 15th
The last few days I have been away from home, out of my comfort zone and had no conveniences ( not because of maverick). I was kept very busy but today I could stay at one place and catch my breath. I had an amazing dream last night with Maverick looking for a solution for one of my justified fears about protecting myself. The solutions were correct but surpass limits I can't go into right now (even some were a bit extreme, border line legal). Now that I am more relaxed I find myself in some frustration and deep thinking about things which I need to change but I don't know how. Even though I don't feel good about this I am grateful that at least Maverick keeps me on my toes and does not keep me in the dark. I prefer the harsh truth and awareness. I have been burnt a lot of times when I didn't have enough awareness and didn't known the truth. And last point is that I am more inclined now to say that it is not maverick that does this or that but I do. I feel more integration of the program as me doing things rather than them being externally triggered by the program.
June 16th
I have a really hard time controlling the sexual energy I have been getting through Maverick and the Taoism vitality practice I have started doing lately. My energy, vitality, and healing is great but I have very strong non-stop sexual urges. I read about a practice of calming down this energy and I am currently working on it. Most probably I am supposed to use/drive this energy in other areas like a business or sports but I don't know how to do this for now. No exercising allowed by my doctor and no business idea on the horizon.
June 17th
I have put on some serious weight the last three weeks. Not sure how much exactly but it could be 4-5 pounds. It is from emotional eating and I am not sure why this is happening. I feel guilty and ashamed about putting on this weight and I am wondering what caused it and how this got out of my hands so fast and so easily. It's like I am eating because I am missing something in my life or something doesn't work and I use eating as safety. It could be because of my uncertain financial situation.
Update:
So I have been studying various systems and resources to figure out how to control this energy I have now. And while watching a video, the prestigious, successful Master (I won't mention the name as it might be breaking a forum rule) said that if you don't spend the energy you collect, it is stored as fat on the body and you put on weight. Well, this might be what is going on with me. I started the second practice I do for vitality exactly three weeks ago, when I also started eating more and putting on weight. So if that's it I have to either stop doing the practice (and do only when needed) or need to figure out how to spend this energy.
