Day 89(B),
Feels like my identity is being pulled into two. And it's emotionally painful.
There's a static side of myself that's used to the status quo - which isn't very much - and it's resisting the side of myself that wants to grow and explore and to express.
I want to create a business and grow it.
I want to level up in my coding skills and to get a better-paying job.
I want to move to a specific metropolitan/international city in my country.
I want to hit up the exciting clubs and lively streets and flirt with pretty women.
Mix that in with my current "NoFap" - and "noPussy" - streak, and it's clear that the 'express' side of me wants to express more and more.
Yesterday, I drove past two total babes walking on a major street. I would have had to park my car and run across the street to hit them up, which would have been weird. Feels like life is passing me by.
It's actually painful. But only because I won't cross certain lines; I'm not about to simp, go on OnlyFans, or do foolish shit. For some reason, I'm obstinate about not wanting to take the easy way out and yank it.
I did message a previous match on IG today after seeing a thirst trap of hers. Left on read. Lesson learned. No free attention.
Feels like my identity is being pulled into two. And it's emotionally painful.
There's a static side of myself that's used to the status quo - which isn't very much - and it's resisting the side of myself that wants to grow and explore and to express.
I want to create a business and grow it.
I want to level up in my coding skills and to get a better-paying job.
I want to move to a specific metropolitan/international city in my country.
I want to hit up the exciting clubs and lively streets and flirt with pretty women.
Mix that in with my current "NoFap" - and "noPussy" - streak, and it's clear that the 'express' side of me wants to express more and more.
Yesterday, I drove past two total babes walking on a major street. I would have had to park my car and run across the street to hit them up, which would have been weird. Feels like life is passing me by.
It's actually painful. But only because I won't cross certain lines; I'm not about to simp, go on OnlyFans, or do foolish shit. For some reason, I'm obstinate about not wanting to take the easy way out and yank it.
I did message a previous match on IG today after seeing a thirst trap of hers. Left on read. Lesson learned. No free attention.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
