Day 70,
Growth. A lot of growth, in the past 24 hours.
I'm not 100% where I want to be, but it's a huge improvement.
Since yesterday, once I accepted that I've been conditioned with shame, and that shame permeated my willingness to go deep with people, I've been making a genuine effort.
Got a very beautiful woman's number at the gym; a total sweetheart and she's preparing herself for Miss Universe Canada this year. It was incredibly smooth, and I got to use some of the framing devices I wrote about in my document (about 3500 words now), where I could get a couple of layers deeper than the superficial levels that I've done previously.
I opted out of an approach; it was with a woman which I was 50-50 about (awkwardly short, and not really my physical type), and she was with someone else that I'm interested in but haven't spoken with. Debating about whether this is strategic.
I made myself a written pledge that I'm reading aloud; that I will be a force of nature, unrelenting, unyielding, unwavering. It's powerful, and I'm really feeling my own body, and make the conscious decision to do not back down.
A retreat might be strategic, but I want to really discern if I'm making excuses.
I've reactivated the Unhook Chrome extension to block YouTube comments at first, then the recommended videos, then the main page videos. I noticed that compulsion to check for a hit of dopamine, but then I go back to my work.
Growth. A lot of growth, in the past 24 hours.
I'm not 100% where I want to be, but it's a huge improvement.
Since yesterday, once I accepted that I've been conditioned with shame, and that shame permeated my willingness to go deep with people, I've been making a genuine effort.
Got a very beautiful woman's number at the gym; a total sweetheart and she's preparing herself for Miss Universe Canada this year. It was incredibly smooth, and I got to use some of the framing devices I wrote about in my document (about 3500 words now), where I could get a couple of layers deeper than the superficial levels that I've done previously.
I opted out of an approach; it was with a woman which I was 50-50 about (awkwardly short, and not really my physical type), and she was with someone else that I'm interested in but haven't spoken with. Debating about whether this is strategic.
I made myself a written pledge that I'm reading aloud; that I will be a force of nature, unrelenting, unyielding, unwavering. It's powerful, and I'm really feeling my own body, and make the conscious decision to do not back down.
A retreat might be strategic, but I want to really discern if I'm making excuses.
I've reactivated the Unhook Chrome extension to block YouTube comments at first, then the recommended videos, then the main page videos. I noticed that compulsion to check for a hit of dopamine, but then I go back to my work.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
