03-31-2023, 12:38 PM
Today I realized how much I look for and seek success, because if i don't have either success or the best i just feel miserable and worthless and keep trying but when i get something i'm already too tired from trying so i can't even enjoy it, this only show my beliefs of lack but keep trying because i don't have it just bolster the fact i don't have it and eventually i won't get it because in my beliefs i don't have anything and also bolster the fact i can't get it no matter how much i try, it is a cycle of lack and me feeling worthless which lead to frustration then giving up for the wrong reasons then depression and more.
Also related to perfectionism i think, i kind of remember as a kid when my parents or someone else expected me to do everything perfect and made a drama when i screwed up, then me craving for attention didn't help either, it became an obsession and the minimum failure is enough for me to give up and making dramas, this behavior is just stupid and nasty, i don't feel like trying anymore so i will just rest.
Also related to perfectionism i think, i kind of remember as a kid when my parents or someone else expected me to do everything perfect and made a drama when i screwed up, then me craving for attention didn't help either, it became an obsession and the minimum failure is enough for me to give up and making dramas, this behavior is just stupid and nasty, i don't feel like trying anymore so i will just rest.
